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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: smokestacks and mishaps (finished)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: silentpoison
    ASL Info:    22/F/Teh Shire
    Elite Ratio:    2.67 - 204/259/118
    Words: 249
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Passion
    Total Views: 595
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1474



    Description:
       


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    dotssmokestacks and mishaps (finished)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    VI
    Look to the city the smoke stacks grow higher
    They steam and the scream
    Like a woman's desire
    Boys watch your backs when she's out on the prowl
    She a devil on her back
    in the midnight hour

    Chorus
    She's a gypsy
    in the alley
    She's a thief
    of the heart
    She'll steal you away boy
    And You'll never come back

    VII
    Look to the hills
    Or wherever she roams
    She's got mischief in her eyes
    and a heart made of stone
    She'll snare you with her stare
    And never let go
    She's a lady in red
    sitting high on her throne

    Chorus
    She's a gypsy
    in the alley
    She's a thief
    of the heart
    She'll steal you away boy
    And You'll never come back

    down, down, down they go
    round, round, and far from home
    gone with the wind till she grabs you back again

    VIII
    A witch! they screamed
    As they lit her on fire
    she came to an untimely death
    on a funeral pyre
    they set her out to the sea
    with the lovers she took
    though good men they be
    fell into the trap
    of a woman's desire
    and you'll never come back
    no you'll never come back





    Submitted on 2008-04-29 14:20:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I absolutely love the first two verses, and think the chorus is good, but the third verse just seems like you're trying to hard to come across as poetic, instead of letting it come as naturally as you let it for the first 2 verses. Definitely getting there to being a great lyric, but just needs a little work. Very good though.
    | Posted on 2008-05-01 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it sounds like a mix of Cher, The Doors and Heart...a Chedoorart! Nice!!
    | Posted on 2008-04-29 00:00:00 | by Nicholas Lala | [ Reply to This ]


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