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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The civil law examdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Duke Medhat
    ASL Info:    21/Male/Egypt
    Elite Ratio:    5.08 - 58/38/24
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 677
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 656



    Description:
       About my civil law exam, and about the magnificent marks that just been announced


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe civil law examdots
    -------------------------------------------


    O men, hadnít we made a cram
    To study for the civil law exam
    Or to make a mark scam

    So why can't we write a sentence
    Oh please tell me why my friends
    Why don't we care when will it ends

    Asking me about laws of every nation
    What Evidence? What obligation?
    To the curriculum, did my answer have any relation?

    Asking me about judge and jury
    What a question, that makes me so fury
    In our system there is no jury

    What! One and half out of five!
    What a dreadful result to our strive
    Wonít our level in this subject thrive?




    Submitted on 2008-04-30 07:51:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The message is fairly interesting but I would suggest a complete re-write of the piece. I figure that with your rhyme pattern you wanted to convey irony but you failed at that because the rhyme scheme seems utterly forced and unnatural. You might want to consider writing without having to unnecessarily make the words rhyme. Sometimes the rhymes comes up naturally, sometimes they just don't. You could also use some other alternative stylistic devices such as alliteration or any that suits you.

    You could also avoid using the word "curriculum", to shorten that line and overhauling that stanza particularly. I don't feel the aforementioned word sounds poetically aesthetic, to put it that way.

    I hope you don't think I'm being condescending or anything remotely related to that. I'm merely trying to help.

    Keep posting
    warm regards,

    Ethan
    | Posted on 2010-07-17 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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