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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "The Land Of Marr"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ron Cole
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 1680/1141/181
    Words: 243
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 130
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1608



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"The Land Of Marr"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Mythology has it that
    there is an ancient land that lies
    beyond the Sunset, and behind the Heavens,
    called the Land of Marr.

    It is here where all things go
    that were lost on Earth.

    There is a little girl here who peers
    wistfully down an earthen road.
    She was lost because her parents
    paid attention only to their needs,
    and were never mindful of hers.

    There is a lost puppy with sad,
    liquid eyes, who was neglected by
    spoilt children who were too selfish
    to care for him.

    There are many fortunes here, most lost
    because of greed. And there is innocence,
    much of it lost because of
    misguided trust.

    Love abounds here, perhaps even
    to the extent that it is the most
    abundant item in the Land of Marr.
    Love lost is among the least resigned here,
    and it clings to the wind, giving
    soulful cries as it moves about the land,
    constantly seeking a warm place to stay,
    and restlessly yearning to return to those
    who lost it.

    And, here in the forest,
    amongst the brambles and branches,
    resides lost trust. It hides, afraid and
    trembling, wishing it could be
    regained,
    and yet, still,
    reluctant,
    and
    afraid to be exposed.
    It resides like love lost, wishing
    for a warm place to stay, and
    yearning
    to return to those
    who lost it.

    Ron Cole
    April 2008




    Submitted on 2008-04-30 11:19:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      wow, very magestic and fanciful...love it...like a sad fairytale.
    beautifully written. love lost and lost trust...very true and very sad.
    wonderful Ron...just wonderful!!!
    your words took me far away...i wanted to visit there.
    xxxx
    | Posted on 2008-11-25 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I so like this! I'm a lousy critic eh? But it's a cool coincidence: I'm currently struggling with a project (in my latest posts, sagas of Tiji) that involves developing a fictional environment and telling stories about characters in it, in free verse. Well, that's just what you are doing here, and with the same sort of allegory. The allegory develops from a human character story with dramatic effect - the girl, the puppy. Then some more abstract things that they symbolize become visible, all involved in the meaning of the fictional world. Same as myths. In fact, you have framed this poem as a myth in the ancient convention, giving the elements one by one, clearly.

    It's entertaining that nearer the end, dealing with the abstract notions Lost Love and Lost Trust, you zoom in to reveal that they are not abstract notions but troubled beings just as pathetic as the puppy!

    A spiritual story about love and beauty whether lost or found. You are good at this theme. It must be fun to be you, often; but every now and then it must be extra painful. You are seeing stuff that many, many folk don't even have sight for. I can contemplate The Land Of Marr for a minute, and it's sentimentally entertaining. But then it starts to develop in all of its vast tragedy and painful horror, and I have to switch it off. When I watch TV, there are lands on Earth or events in the news that have that same effect on me, and probably I'm very normal in that!

    I like free verse, prefer it for my personal expressions, and I think you are good at it, although you called it "prose". I maintain there's a big difference between free verse and prose ... but would not like to get into an argument about that, because I reckon each poet has their own way of evaluating things and that's the best way!
    | Posted on 2008-11-18 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Suggestion: In the verse...

    There is a little girl here who peers
    wistfully down an earthen road.
    She was lost because her parents
    paid attention only to their needs,
    and were never mindful of hers.

    the only after attention is repetive as the next line says the same thing, more or less...

    So instead of..

    paid attention only to their needs,
    and were never mindful of hers.

    Perhaps it could be...

    Paid attention to their needs,
    never mindful of hers.

    Maybe.
    | Posted on 2008-05-08 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really well done and is just so visual and as Sharon said, very clever thoughts and expressions here! Well done!
    love,peace,joy,abundance & smiles to share
    tif ~*~
    | Posted on 2008-05-06 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      An extremely poignant piece of poetry, so ineffably sad, a wonderful write... twice potent! bravo... bravo... bravo...
    | Posted on 2008-05-05 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this style...a twist for you that works fantastically.
    You've described the hollowness of loss and the grief of the lost very well, within a unique legend tale.
    I really enjoyed this read!
    Thanks for sharing, Ron.
    | Posted on 2008-04-30 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      I'd go for the concept of Marr. Newspapers carry the sad stories of both adults and children who could easily make a happier home here along with the wonderful pets that suffered at the hands of uncaring owners. Great story and clever thoughts in this one, Ron. Well done! :-) Sharon
    | Posted on 2008-04-30 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      Man, you are a god among insects. This is a great write. You make wish I wrote this.
    I think that if I wrote a book of poetry it would be used to keep your book display from teetering. Let me pull my nose out of your whazooo and just say I think this poem is really good.

    The Poor Man's Poet.
    | Posted on 2008-04-30 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]


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