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    dots Submission Name: "Dark, Dark Deeds..."dots

    Author: Drifting Star
    ASL Info:    19/F/Somewhere
    Elite Ratio:    2.02 - 22/101/73
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 639
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1220

       Written in memory of the good ol' TripleF teacher-love groups. Aha.

    It may or may not be fiction. I'll let that hang out in your heads for a bit. Makes it all the more better.

    Far From Elite,


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Dark, Dark Deeds..."dots

    Funny how lust blurs the lines, barriers down,
    when they weren't in school or hanging in town;
    She looks so cute in her Friday skirt--
    he wants to rip it off, make it hurt.
    There's nothing like this unreal fantasy,
    the pleasure, the passion--the angst-to-be;
    Teacher and student--it wasn't meant to be,
    Oh, oh--they're doing those dark, dark deeds.

    She's coming on strong and so perverse,
    lips spill over with curse after curse;
    he stares her down, unimpressed,
    he wants her to leave once she's dressed.
    Her makeup's on and her lips are sharp,
    Eyes diamond-hard, voice sickly-tart;
    He looks her over--damn, he's cruel--
    says she looked better back in school.

    Overindulged, this petulant child,
    Screaming on, she goes a little wild;
    he's cool and collected, used to it--
    He lays back, waits for it.
    The inevitable lull, it comes at last,
    he dismisses her, his lust long passed--
    she's pissed and hurt, a jaded little whore,
    she leaves for now but she'll be back for more.


    Submitted on 2008-04-30 20:10:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Excellent flow and rhyme scheme. It was very descriptive and painted a picture clear as day. I hate it when you have to wonder what the poem is about and seriously sit and think. But this is just--there. Nothing to wonder about, it's clear as day. Very good write.

    + Faves

    | Posted on 2008-05-01 00:00:00 | by Aethyx | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written fantastically well. It flowed nicely, the imagery was great, but the emotion was a little on the subtle side. Other than that it was great!! I do wonder though.....
    Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading

    | Posted on 2008-04-30 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]

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