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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Dark, Dark Deeds..."dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Drifting Star
    ASL Info:    19/F/Somewhere
    Elite Ratio:    2.02 - 22/101/73
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 620
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1220



    Description:
       Written in memory of the good ol' TripleF teacher-love groups. Aha.

    It may or may not be fiction. I'll let that hang out in your heads for a bit. Makes it all the more better.

    Far From Elite,

    -Sennie.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Dark, Dark Deeds..."dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Funny how lust blurs the lines, barriers down,
    when they weren't in school or hanging in town;
    She looks so cute in her Friday skirt--
    he wants to rip it off, make it hurt.
    There's nothing like this unreal fantasy,
    the pleasure, the passion--the angst-to-be;
    Teacher and student--it wasn't meant to be,
    Oh, oh--they're doing those dark, dark deeds.

    She's coming on strong and so perverse,
    lips spill over with curse after curse;
    he stares her down, unimpressed,
    he wants her to leave once she's dressed.
    Her makeup's on and her lips are sharp,
    Eyes diamond-hard, voice sickly-tart;
    He looks her over--damn, he's cruel--
    says she looked better back in school.

    Overindulged, this petulant child,
    Screaming on, she goes a little wild;
    he's cool and collected, used to it--
    He lays back, waits for it.
    The inevitable lull, it comes at last,
    he dismisses her, his lust long passed--
    she's pissed and hurt, a jaded little whore,
    she leaves for now but she'll be back for more.

    **




    Submitted on 2008-04-30 20:10:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Excellent flow and rhyme scheme. It was very descriptive and painted a picture clear as day. I hate it when you have to wonder what the poem is about and seriously sit and think. But this is just--there. Nothing to wonder about, it's clear as day. Very good write.

    + Faves

    Anna
    | Posted on 2008-05-01 00:00:00 | by Aethyx | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written fantastically well. It flowed nicely, the imagery was great, but the emotion was a little on the subtle side. Other than that it was great!! I do wonder though.....
    Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading

    »Haely«
    | Posted on 2008-04-30 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    160915

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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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