[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Beach got my ruthless souldots

    Author: SetmyselfonFire
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 41/55/47
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 817
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 861


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeach got my ruthless souldots

    I got my 211, my 40 oz.
    but the past is a thing you cant wash out
    so when I hit the bottom
    you wont be forgotten
    and I'm cruisin down the beach
    my second home
    got my weed hookups, from a friend we all know
    I'll tell you, this place is a part of me
    I'll sell my soul to this beach
    If I ever leave.

    Im poppin pills cuz I got, time on my hands
    I got scars selfmade, beneath my pants
    I buried my teardrops, under this sand
    &I know life is gonna be brootal
    I gottas take advantage,
    Im hopelessly romantic, in this hole.

    you know that, people other places cant do this
    walkin to the beach after school ends
    I got a couple bucks
    but all I need is my friends
    &I'm good.

    Submitted on 2008-05-01 12:49:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      well I live in oceanside...so it actually is my second home.
    came from the heart...
    | Posted on 2010-02-08 00:00:00 | by SetmyselfonFire | [ Reply to This ]
      "Im hopelessly romantic, in this hole."
    i pretty much liked that. i think it would be better if you could avoid using images that have been already smoked, like buried teardrops, unremovable past and so on. the quote here is a lot fresher and it makes you visualize a specific state of mind.
    | Posted on 2008-05-03 00:00:00 | by hardestpart | [ Reply to This ]
      this was interesting. It had some very good lines in there:
    "I got my 211, my 40 oz.
    but the past is a thing you cant wash out"


    "I buried my teardrops, under this sand"

    These made for great imagery.

    I like the whole idea of the beach being a second home, a refugee.
    | Posted on 2008-05-01 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    The World written by jjd
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]