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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beach got my ruthless souldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SetmyselfonFire
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 41/55/47
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 866
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 861



    Description:
       


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    dotsBeach got my ruthless souldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I got my 211, my 40 oz.
    but the past is a thing you cant wash out
    so when I hit the bottom
    you wont be forgotten
    and I'm cruisin down the beach
    my second home
    got my weed hookups, from a friend we all know
    I'll tell you, this place is a part of me
    I'll sell my soul to this beach
    If I ever leave.


    Im poppin pills cuz I got, time on my hands
    I got scars selfmade, beneath my pants
    I buried my teardrops, under this sand
    &I know life is gonna be brootal
    I gottas take advantage,
    Im hopelessly romantic, in this hole.

    you know that, people other places cant do this
    walkin to the beach after school ends
    I got a couple bucks
    but all I need is my friends
    &I'm good.




    Submitted on 2008-05-01 12:49:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      well I live in oceanside...so it actually is my second home.
    came from the heart...
    | Posted on 2010-02-08 00:00:00 | by SetmyselfonFire | [ Reply to This ]
      "Im hopelessly romantic, in this hole."
    i pretty much liked that. i think it would be better if you could avoid using images that have been already smoked, like buried teardrops, unremovable past and so on. the quote here is a lot fresher and it makes you visualize a specific state of mind.
    | Posted on 2008-05-03 00:00:00 | by hardestpart | [ Reply to This ]
      this was interesting. It had some very good lines in there:
    "I got my 211, my 40 oz.
    but the past is a thing you cant wash out"

    and

    "I buried my teardrops, under this sand"

    These made for great imagery.

    I like the whole idea of the beach being a second home, a refugee.
    | Posted on 2008-05-01 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]


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