I know that he won't read this, so I'll just pour my heart out here.
I know what love is, not this stupid puppy love that most people my age claim to have, true love. It sticks in my heart, and doesn't let go, no matter what I try. It's crying silent tears as you walk off with someone else, and having to deny how I feel. It's my voice cracking every time I tell myself that I'm over you, and never really meaning it. it's knowing that I will never make you truly happy, so I let go and let you walk away no matter how much it hurts me. It's needing you to be happy in order to be happy myself. It's having the most obvious attraction to you, and having everyone else know, but you being oblivious. It's confiding in my trusty pen and paper for comfort, and writing you sweet things I will never say aloud. It's writing you numerous love poems that I know you will never read, and knowing that no one else would understand them. It's hearing your laugh echoing in my mind every time that I see your face, and taking all that I have not to show it. It's looking at you with nothing but pure love, and getting only a friendly smile in return; and knowing that that's all I'm ever going to get. It's seeing everyone else paired up, the world in couples, and knowing that I can't be one of them. It's having to use the excuse that I don't date when people ask me out because I can't tell them that my heart belongs to someone else. It's needing to be around you, though it hurts myself, and laughing like there's not a care in the world when you're around. It's needing to agree with something that I don't believe in to cover up my feelings for you. It's having to put up a charade, a fake me, in order to survive a normal day. It's having a vivid image in my mind of what could be, but both you and I know never will be. It's having to accept the fact that life isn't fair anew each day, and try desperately not to show how it hurts. It's just plain and simple needing you to be around, while knowing that though I wish for oh so much more, my wish will never come true. It's having my heart break anew each day that I believe that I'm over you and discover that it's not true; having stitches upon stitches holding it together.
But I will continue to go on, because I know that it's what you want me to do. If I ever tell you, and I know that one day I will, you will tell me that the love is not returned, and encourage me to move on, as numerous others before you have tried to do. You just want me to be my own person, and not depend on anyone else for happiness, and not to compromise my dreams for someone else; exactly what I want for you. I'll keep confiding in my precious pen and paper, and continue to write those love poems that you will never see, the sweet nothings I would tell you if you were mine. I'll keep dreaming about my perfect world where we make sense, and you're happy with me, though it will nevre happen; and I'll keep trying my hardest to get through this, because I know it's what you want me to do. But I'll still want to be near you, and yearn those touches that I know I'll never have. I'll still see the way that your eyes dance when you laugh, and look at those you love. I'll notice those individual hairs that are slowly turning blonde, trust me, I'll notice. Just know that I love you and support you. No matter what you do, when you do it, or who you're with; just be happy, and I'll be fine. Never compromise yourself on my behalf, no matter what. And remember, just be yourself.