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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Downtime at the Fantasy Factory dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 728
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 962



    Description:
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    dotsDowntime at the Fantasy Factory dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Downtime at the Fantasy Factory

    You know…you know, if anything made sense right now in this film noirish Greek tragic moment, we wouldn’t be clinically dissecting these soft asides like romance novelists twisted into knots eagerly digesting our own souls. I’m the only analyst I know that needs an analyst…


    Yeah, yeah you’re right. We’d breathe easy without the past riding our backs like apes second-guessing every second opinion as if first hand happiness weren’t real enough to last. We certainly wouldn’t need every nanosecond to become krypton cool to fill the vacuum between the world and ourselves. My analyst is dead, by the way.


    This place still
    Has an unwashed smell
    I can’t pin down
    The halls of hell

    But there is that silent
    Piss borne pride
    Of the best intentions
    All jokes aside





    Submitted on 2008-05-01 22:43:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What I don't like: not much. I do not like the last two stanzas because they rhyme and I'm not sure how they fit into the poem. I don't quite get it all the way, but that's not always important. Again, not sure about the title, even though it is catchy.

    What I do like: the overall flow and tone. This character seems smart but detached and apathetic as well. You do so with terms such as "yeah, yeah" and "you know, you know."

    The character seems confident to the point of arrogance. Last line of the 1st paragraph was quite good. I also like the way you portray a conversation, though we only get one person's lines. By doing this, you lead the reader into what the other person is saying and you paint a picture of an entire conversation.

    | Posted on 2008-06-21 00:00:00 | by tjsmith5 | [ Reply to This ]
      (that's it... I will just follow Jase around and snort).

    'My analyst is dead, by the way.'

    sheesh.

    can it get any worse?

    Funny I was just thinking the other day about that saying "the road to hell...". And because I am slow on the ball most of the time (ex: I never got what indian giver meant until I saw dances w/wolves), I finally had an 'aha'. And maybe because I am one who most always has good intentions but

    1) I have this uncanny way of [censored] everything up
    2) good intentions aren't much without follow thru

    I think what I enjoy most about your work is you are able to get on the dark side, the true side, (the side one hates to look at), of being human.

    I learned some time ago, when looking for answers, if 3 or more people tell you the same thing, maybe there is something there. As well, one can go looking for the answer they want to hear too (but is it the right one?)(and, can you live with it).



    | Posted on 2008-05-02 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      Cheer up, you. You're such a flaming pessimist. I think a round the world trip is what you need. You can come crash at my pad anytime. For real.

    *wink*
    *runs off*

    I've been a terrible commenter lately.
    Just letting you know I read.

    Chin up. Smell the sky. Go "goo-goo" at a baby
    and watch it crinkle its nose, wondering what the hell you're on about.

    Go on.
    | Posted on 2008-05-02 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


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