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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Livin' By Naturedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Guermo
    ASL Info:    18 / M / Va, USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.3 - 133/156/112
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Happy
    Total Views: 73
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 1188



    Description:
       This has good music too.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLivin' By Naturedots
    -------------------------------------------


    [Chorus]
    I can take a walk,
    Don’t have a care.
    Go outside,
    Do anything I dare.
    I can take a ride,
    Stay out all night.
    Go outside,
    And fly my kite.

    [Verse One]
    My future looks good,
    My past’s been great.
    Livin’ by nature.
    Livin’ by fate.
    If you often look ahead,
    And rarely behind,
    Your path in life,
    You’re sure to find.

    [Chorus]

    [Verse Two]
    If you’re on this earth,
    You have a choice.
    Listen to another,
    Or have your own voice.
    Think for yourself,
    You’re all you’ve got,
    If you have an answer,
    Speak your thought.

    [Chorus]

    [Verse Three]
    When you’re old,
    What stories will you tell?
    Did you have an adventure?
    Or live in a shell?
    Stop right now,
    Go plant your flag,
    Show the world,
    What a life you’ve had.

    [Chorus]

    [Verse One]

    Livin’ by nature.
    Livin’ by fate.
    Your past looks good,
    And your future looks great.




    Submitted on 2008-05-03 00:07:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very nicely thought out but I'm wondering why not have fourth line of chorus as: "Do things I dare" since "anything" has a connotsation that seldom did you dare. Verse three seems like a transition since it has more beats than the other two. Verse three may call for a rewording of the chorus since it is a looking back. Perhaps along this line of thought:
    I took my walks
    and had my cares
    went outside
    to do as dared .
    I've had my rides
    out into the night,
    went outside
    and flew my kite.

    I'm wondering why do last two lines have "you're" instead of 'your.'

    Of course, I may be all wrong since I'm not even an amateur when it comes to putting music to lyrics.
    I think you have a possible hit song. What's making you stop at the paperwork? I would explore the use of an agent to get this thing recorded.




    | Posted on 2008-06-24 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]



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