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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the secret room inside medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 655
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1081



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe secret room inside medots
    -------------------------------------------


    dear everything,
    can my hands push further
    past the polar wind
    without breaking?
    each little piece
    would hold a map
    that leads me back to you.

    does my truth
    lie through those lips
    too tight to pass ships
    though the colour they become?
    like every leaf that i have known,
    the other side of the tree
    alludes me to it's higher need.

    breathe everything
    as if it's a puzzle in your mouth.
    twist the world inside you
    until you become everything
    my dear.

    sometimes
    i'm naked in the orange wind.
    the orchids of my honeyed tongue
    do linger still.
    & i've known my own ruth
    to wick away
    like the storm of my undoing.

    every second is an opening
    where i'm opening.
    & i wish to close the door
    to the secret room inside me.
    the one
    that holds the future
    that, happily ever after,
    i never planned for.




    Submitted on 2008-05-04 18:33:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      What I like about this peice is the symbolism to describe getting through to someone you love that is closed off.

    My favorite lines:

    every second is an opening
    where i'm opening.
    & i wish to close the door
    to the secret room inside me.
    the one
    that holds the future
    that, happily ever after,
    i never planned for.

    I have the same secret room, but what it hides is that I've given up on "happily ever after".

    I really like the way you weave your words together. The format is good and I don't know anything about punctuation, so I can't comment on that. I don't really think punctuation is important, so I wouldn't change anything in your piece even if I did know.

    It shows longing and hope, and I think that's beautiful.

    Lisa
    | Posted on 2008-05-22 00:00:00 | by Seagirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow.
    This is the single most impressive and beautiful piece I think I have read all year. It is almost sneaky in a way, it slowly works into you as you work through the reading of it, and it resonates inside of me. I love the way this piece reads, and feels. The rhythm is steady but not too heavy, and the gentleness of it makes me want to keep reading it.

    My favorite bit I think is
    "breathe everything
    as if it's a puzzle in your mouth."
    It just makes me smile, and rethink how I live my life at the same time.

    the last stanza has a faster beat to it than the rest of the piece I think, and while in some pieces that change just at the end could kill the piece, I think it just emphasizzed and intensified the rest of the poem, like a burst of pink flowers on an ree. A showcase.

    Beautiful. I envy and admire your vaunted skills.
    | Posted on 2008-05-05 00:00:00 | by Madelaine | [ Reply to This ]


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