Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Don't Lie"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Shadow_Mirror
    ASL Info:    23/m/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.59 - 54/39/18
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 983
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 933



    Description:
       I haven't written in a long time, but after listening to some Offspring music, I was inspired to pick up my pen once more. I hope I don't get any flaming, though if you don't like, please leave a comment saying so and why.

    If you for some insane reason DO like it, please do the same thing as above. Thank you for reading, and I hope to see comments on my other work too.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Don't Lie"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Here in a sea of sounds and thought,
    Words floating of my fingertips and mind,
    I smile while being inside this whirlwind of images,
    Skipin to the beat of my erratic heart.

    Please don't try to save me,
    Please don't think of my scars as screams,
    Please be gentle in your love,
    But stay hard with your arms around me.

    I may seem strong like ocean worn rocks,
    but I slip over and over again on everything.
    So when I yell during the day,
    Don't be shocked by my tears at night.

    Please don't try to save me,
    Please don't think of my scars as screams,
    Please be gentle in your love,
    But stay hard with your arms around me.

    I may not be perfect,
    I may not try the hardest,
    I may not be the kindest,
    but I like who I am,
    So lets make this work...




    Submitted on 2008-05-06 05:33:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      a couple spots..."words floating off..."

    "skippin'"
    last line

    it should be "let's"

    but that taken care of, this piece cries out for understanding...and acceptance, and does show strength in the self-acceptance.

    the first hurdle is to love ourselves and be okay within our own skin...we go through much to get us there, lots of sorrow, pain and good times too.

    i especially love this line----"please don't think of my scars as screams"

    i wish i had written that one.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2012-10-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I can feel someone who just wants to be loved and accepted..wanting to be strong and change for the better but still yearns for acceptance from loved ones..I like the flow and the message probably coz I feel the same way sometimes
    | Posted on 2012-10-08 00:00:00 | by irrelevantme | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    161090

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry