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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Angel Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23/161/138
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 493
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1290



    Description:
       Critique the writing all you want, don't critique the story


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAngel Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Daddy's in heaven
    Your momma's in jail
    You aren't alone
    Daddy's not in hell

    Daddy's watching over
    All she sees is pills
    She's made that mistake before
    But Daddy's helping now

    He's gathered a group of angels
    To help us here on earth
    You will have a chance
    Just like you deserve

    He's not mad at your momma
    For cutting his life short
    He just misses us dearly
    He holds us next to his heart

    Don't be afraid little ones
    You'll understand one day
    He'll make sure that you get there
    We'll do our best to keep you safe

    We don't have to see him as we'd like
    We know that he's still here
    Feel him in every heartache
    His warmth with every tear

    Try your best not to forget
    I know you're both young
    You'll hear stories to remind you
    The soft hearted man he was

    Daddy's body's in the ground
    Under violet and yellow blooms
    His soul is up in heaven
    Singing immaculate tunes

    But his heart remains with us





    Submitted on 2008-05-07 14:49:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow man...i really like that poem...must be one of your bests...it makes me very sad...but i think it was well written. I really think it had a lot of emotion in it...and i really think that you dad is in a really good place...we all miss him.
    | Posted on 2008-05-08 00:00:00 | by InYuco Katan | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this may be your best
    | Posted on 2008-05-07 00:00:00 | by Morsketch | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was very sad and very consolating. I really liked it. I lost someone very dear to me and i was thinking about him when i read this. And before i finish this little comment thingy i would like to say this was my favorite stanza, it really stuck out to me.

    'We don't have to see him as we'd like
    We know that he's still here
    Feel him in every heartache
    His warmth with every tear'

    Very Nice ^_^

    Cry
    | Posted on 2008-05-07 00:00:00 | by WhY-dO-yOu-CrY | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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