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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Buried on the airdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Predator
    ASL Info:    21/m/Derbyshire, England
    Elite Ratio:    7.02 - 257/198/73
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 644
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 717



    Description:
        Last year I went to Poland and this is reflections on that I guess (coupled with Your Hasty Execution)

    Thanks for reading, let me know whatever you think to it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBuried on the airdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I stand on the spikes
    that tell my feet
    they should be bent,

    decayed,
    rusting in the corner
    of history.

    Instead they lie,
    unused,
    as a monument,

    speaking silently.
    The chorus of
    furnace blasts

    is overpowered
    by the occasional crying
    of a crow

    and the falling of
    roses
    on wooden boards.


    As the train pulls in
    she is scanned,
    directed away
    towards the rising smoke.
    An optimistic smile
    and an assurance

    that it will all be okay:

    that work
    will set you free.




    Submitted on 2008-05-07 16:33:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm guessing the trip wasn't a happy one... not entirely, at least. I'm also guessing your trip to Poland included a visit to the camps--at least, your imagery points to that ('work will set you free'? wasn't that over the gate to one of them?)

    Regardless of the actual content--this is beautiful in a sad and dark kind of way. Whether it's a shanty beside the railroad tracks, or a tenement in the ghetto, or... whatever.

    I'm not so sure I like the line breaks. I get that you're trying to fixate upon a form... I guess I'm ambivalent. You didn't make all your stanzas worth three lines--some continue to the next, some are shorter--so props to that. and you ended differently. So never mind about all that :)

    And while I'm on the ending, I'll mention that I absolutely love it. It hurts my heart, a little. It makes me wrinkle my brow. I'm listening to super sad music too right now, so... it just adds to that aura of unhappiness.

    In a very tragic, ugly-pretty way.
    | Posted on 2008-05-08 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]


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