Locked in Love by arodase

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Submission Name: Locked in Love dots

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Author:	arodase
Elite Ratio:	4.36 - 17/19/20
Words:	104

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	116
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	644

Description:

Locked in Love dots

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Always running from a distance,
Never let a breath too close to you,
A life without intimacy, a chest full of secrets
Locked in my own safe haven of my mind.

Your touch draws me away, I’m afraid,
That you will seduce me deeper into your eyes
Into your soul, because you know mine
My heart chained to yours, an eternal slave, I forbid me.

Time passes, with your unwavering generous love,
My heart closed like a bud, each petal begins to fall each day
Proven faithfulness, I melt into your arms and finally realize
That becoming yours I am finally free.

Submitted on 2008-05-08 05:21:50 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I dont really get this either, im not sure what you really ment with it..You add a lot of similies which is good, but I dont really understand what you ment with most of it. Some lines stood out though.
"A life without intimacy, a chest full of secrets
Locked in my own safe haven of my mind"
That was a good line.

The poem didnt really seem to flow right. Maybe when you wrote it the emotion as raw, go back and look at it later to have it make more sence.

Good shot!
-Safire
| Posted on 2008-05-08 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
  I do have to say that it has great imagery but I feel that it can be very confusing. I don't really know what your message is in this poem. It seems that it does need some work. You add a lot of similies and personification which makes it very good. A tip I would give to you is to maybe add some flowing words. Even if you don't want to to rythme you can give it some off rythmes such as leaf and deciet or case and disgrace. People are attracted to poems that flow.
| Posted on 2008-05-08 00:00:00 | by Moon2thestars | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, nice poem it contain beautiful figures of speech, in the first stanza you made a very good simile in “A life without intimacy, a chest full of secrets” but it would be better if it was “A life without intimacy is a chest full of secrets”, in the second stanza you made a perfect personification in “My heart chained to yours, an eternal slave,” when you personify the heart as a slave it reveal the meaning of the true love, but why you add “I forbid me”? It shows a great amount of dignity, and as you know love and dignity cannot share the same body. The rest is nice. Good poem

Duke Medhat
| Posted on 2008-05-08 00:00:00 | by Duke Medhat | [ Reply to This ]

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