Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fall Apart.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SaddenedSongbrd
    Elite Ratio:    1.94 - 7/22/37
    Words: 190
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1242



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFall Apart.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I saw a girl fall apart once,
    I saw it in the mirror
    I saw her drop her head down,
    saw her shed a tear.

    Years and years I spent
    watching this girl fall apart
    many boys loved her,
    many broke her heart.
    Many times her father yelled
    many times she cut
    trying to relieve the pain
    of being called a slut.

    Now she is much older
    and I see her still
    I'm the catalyst of her pain
    she pops another pill.
    this will make her "pretty"
    this will help them see
    this will make her everything
    that she wanted to be.

    I see her now and then sometimes
    some days she stays in bed
    thinking it would be better
    just to wind up dead.
    Contemplating bruises,
    gashes and the sort.
    all she dreams of for her life
    is for it to be cut short.

    Now and then she'll smile
    mostly she just cries
    I've looked her in her eyes
    I've dissevered her lies.

    She isn't happy
    she really never will be
    because I know this girl better than anyone
    Because this girl is me.




    Submitted on 2008-05-08 22:24:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You are very talented. I just read you other poem thinking that nothing could be better. Then I clicked on this. It's brilliantly written. Perfect flow and rhyme scheme. And I know what it's like to watch yourself fall apart. I sat back and watched my life go to [censored]--but that's besides the point.

    Now she is much older
    and I see her still
    I'm the catalyst of her pain
    she pops another pill.
    this will make her "pretty"
    this will help them see
    this will make her everything
    that she wanted to be.

    I love that part, it almost seems like it should be in an Evanescence song or something. :D

    Anyways

    Good write!
    +Faves

    Anna
    | Posted on 2008-05-09 00:00:00 | by Aethyx | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    161219

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    The Promise written by annie0888
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Incubus written by monad
    Giving written by jjd
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Linger written by saartha
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry