[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Flawed Watchersdots

    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 215
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 508
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1494

       So if you're confused on this one, it's about two guardian angels, watching as one person breaks the other's heart splitting them up, thus separating the angels and one feels as if it's personal that the other angel let such a tragedy happen.

    Slightly Revised

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFlawed Watchersdots

    I'm sorry, she says
    It's too late, he says
    I watch as they end it all

    I remember a time
    Things were different
    She made him smile
    He gave his heart
    It's been awhile
    Now we're apart

    I was growing fond
    They were happy
    So was I
    I had a friend
    Now he's alone
    I want this to end
    I feel unknown

    You should have worked harder
    You should have paid attention
    I kept him faithful
    I kept him true
    I kept him honest
    You could have too

    I know she was difficult
    She had her own agenda
    Your job is to keep track
    You let her leave him
    You hurt us both
    It should be a sin
    Tore the wings from an angel

    He'll find someone soon
    He'll meet someone new
    She'll have an angel too
    I don't need you
    We don't need this
    You and I are through
    We're done being hurt

    I'll keep looking after him
    You'd better keep up with her
    Being a guardian angel's hard work
    I'll probably not see you again
    As they'll probably not cross paths
    We'll make it through this sane
    Millions of angels fill this mass

    I'm sorry, you say
    It's too late, I say
    Sometimes even angels fall

    Submitted on 2008-05-09 03:28:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well the description helped! =]
    I liked it! It took me a few verses to find out from whose POV it was from.

    One concept I had a problem with was why the male was angry that the female didn't control the human so the angels could be together. Shouldn't the angels not affect the human's actions? Aren't they just suppose to watch over and protect them? This angel seems selfish to me...

    But besides that, the story was told very effectively. I really liked how you tied teh end and the beginning together, but changed it a bit to make it fit!

    Awesome job!
    | Posted on 2008-05-10 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    prison written by ShyOne
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Shi written by ShyOne
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Love written by saartha
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Where? written by ParanoidParadox
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Yes written by poetotoe
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    winners circle written by ShyOne




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]