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    dots Submission Name: Since you've been gonen..dots

    Author: Luvmiannie
    ASL Info:    30 something
    Elite Ratio:    2.15 - 20/7/14
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 622
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 522


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    dotsSince you've been gonen..dots

    since you've been gone the weather has been real cold…cold enough to make you sit still for to long... the vegetables seem to taste a little better, but who eats vegetables in cold weather.. it doesn’t seem like a day at all, darkness in the morning awaits the darkness that catches me before i make it home .. maannnn its been cold...i thought the soup would soothe my bones.. but its your winter kisses I yearns for, they burn like fire through my soul..now all I got is a memory to go on since you’ve been gone..

    Submitted on 2008-05-10 11:35:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ok...the title definitely reminds me of that song made famous by kelly clarkson (same title as yours) but i felt that yours was infinitely more original, although probably less marketable. i liked how you mentioned vegetables and stuff (i didn't understand why you did that, but i liked it). and i liked how you mentioned that the weather was always cold. it seems like that when your heart is shattered into a thousand microscopic pieces, doesn't it? the poem was less about flow and more about words. the format you selected (blocky, no stanzas, etc.) and your less-than-elegant speech ("all i got..." that would make my journalism teacher just about drop dead.) suggest that this is more of a stream of consciousness or a rant...but i did enjoy it, very much.

    | Posted on 2008-05-12 00:00:00 | by Alyra | [ Reply to This ]

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