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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: blowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: silent strings
    Elite Ratio:    5.78 - 120/94/22
    Words: 203
    Class/Type: Riddle/Angry
    Total Views: 177
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1248



    Description:
       i'm outtie. say what you will. or not. hahaha. har.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsblowdots
    -------------------------------------------




    i'm tired of textures written in fire,
    in how your dreamquest in poetry
    is your only vision, is your call
    to erupt and sing siren songs
    of cracked knuckles and burnt flesh
    wondering where an oasis
    may be found.

    tell me about your day instead,
    how your dog refused to eat the scraps
    you left for it, how your boss
    is a total jerkface
    who should never have climbed the ranks
    but that's the way of most management,
    don't you think?

    total cocksuckers.

    the next paycheck is all i think of.
    the next day is rain and sometimes
    the bleached forgiveness of sun,
    of holidays spent in my head in venice,
    plying the canals in overpriced gondolas,
    in books written and sold for the price
    of a chocolate bar.

    i'm tired of fantasies. i'm tired of the spin
    of this planet churning out more soldiers,
    more children screaming for rice,
    more angst and poverty and disillusion
    and bomb-strapped teenagers
    wishing for virgins
    in heaven.

    total cocksuckers.




    Submitted on 2008-05-10 23:16:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      My head is little pasty here, it's no fault of yours though.
    So you rant, and we all know that human beings are recording machines. If we are impressionable and sensitive, these things need a pathway, right?

    It was a bad day you had.

    But I must admit, in this life, it's the clocksuckers I'm worried about. Don't they have better things to do?

    gracious goodbye!

    Nan
    | Posted on 2008-06-02 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      actually, i quite like my job.
    and bill, i swear you're on meds.
    | Posted on 2008-05-25 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      May your rage lead you to better paychecks with more sympathetic bosses hanging on your every word as if genius dripped from your tongue...

    ...and all the finest writing in the world be sold on streets for the price of half a chocolate bar or one quarter the cost of a fizzie drink...

    ...and may you find reason to bandage those burnt knuckles before they become infected as you seek out an anger management specialist...

    ...and may we, your audience, enjoy the sweet rays of a square sun as it warms a round earth...

    ...bon, apetit.
    | Posted on 2008-05-25 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm more like balsamic vinegar than fine wine, methinks. y'know, kinda... um... tangy and not for everyone. that sorta thing.

    i think.
    har har.

    and what argumentative banter?
    *looks around*

    all i see is some douchebag writer commenting on their own poem's comments. whatta dork.
    | Posted on 2008-05-22 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      before i comment ...has to be said...i LOVE the argumentative banter going on here ; )

    kk

    the disillusioning state most people live in is sad, pathetic and sometimes down right disgusting...but i'd say just a little less then half of them are completely naive and that is even sadder.

    f*ck the man as the man F*cks us everyday in every way


    i'm truly sorry the shitey world is laying so heavily on you at this time...but don't forget the Beauty of words

    for you are one of the best...like fine wine
    meant to be savored
    | Posted on 2008-05-21 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm not being defensive, just... a little incensed over certain things. and jaded. way too jaded.

    i think i'll take this holiday in venice soon. before i and everything else explodes.

    yup.
    har har.
    | Posted on 2008-05-11 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      J, you shouldn't get so defensive, y'know... it's very... unbecoming, haha.

    With that said, what does this poem mean?
    It means: disgust with systems, all systems, disgust against all prejudice and ignorant observations. It makes me want to vomit too. It makes me dream of infernos taking this whole goddamn planet up in smoke until only continental plates remain... and rising oceans.

    Politics. Twisted politics. Twisted bosses and the government, and the leeches in between sapping you of your resolve.

    Where is this oasis? In your mind, heart, soul (to be generic )... and in inspiration... which you're not finding here. This world is too big to confine yourself to such a small hole. So... you move on, expand, evolve.

    Chin up.
    Har.
    J
    | Posted on 2008-05-11 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      i'll read this out in a couple of days, i think. it's a spoken-word piece more than anything. woo.
    | Posted on 2008-05-11 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      i've never been one to care for profanity in poetry; it just seems to me like laziness, not bothering to find a better, more striking way to make your point in another manner. but here, against the juxtaposition of the poetic and the almost conversational real world frustration, it works beautifully.

    my inner dreamer is in love with this stanza:
    the next paycheck is all i think of.
    the next day is rain and sometimes
    the bleached forgiveness of sun,
    of holidays spent in my head in venice,
    plying the canals in overpriced gondolas,
    in books written and sold for the price
    of a chocolate bar.

    i suppose it's something in my nature to find a way around obstacles rather than dwell on the upset, and i find what you've written appealing but your meaning i object to. if that makes sense. i like how this is thought provoking and how i will dwell on this topic long after i'm done saying my piece about it. it's all a body can do, to leave an impression on the world around them. thanks for sharing this before you leave.

    bum. :)

    grace
    | Posted on 2008-05-11 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      yes, i'm an angry sonofabiatch. with not much time for mumbo-jumbo 'poetics' anymore. shakespeare, milton, poe, and the rest of those antiquarians can go die again.

    the end.
    | Posted on 2008-05-10 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      I am favoriting this:

    1. because you say 'jerkface' and that is officially my word (deal with it. u.s. copyrights and so forth)

    2. because you're a cheeky son of a [censored].

    3. because i hate this [censored] job too.

    and lastly,

    because it is the last remaining scrap of you on here. and i want people to see your angry prowess.
    | Posted on 2008-05-10 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]
      whatever. lol.
    | Posted on 2008-05-10 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm. I don't know why, but the whole...

    total cocksuckers...

    thing ruins the poetic effect for me. I really think you have some good lines in here. However, I also think a bit of it seems forced.

    I think its just the difference in styles though. Its good.

    ~Xoxo~
    Sweets
    | Posted on 2008-05-10 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]



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