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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Reflectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bas
    ASL Info:    24/f/somewhere...
    Elite Ratio:    4.94 - 42/48/35
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 43
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 883



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReflectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Meaning refuses to form
    out of this chaos that is my own,
    Grace has escaped me once again
    but the longing for freedom
    stems from each inhalation of breath

    Guilt knocks on these sealed doors
    as a ghostly presence,
    seeping through like heavy fog
    into this damnation of sorrow

    “Do not do this!....do not break the essence of who I am!”
    He cries for salvation ----- He bags

    and I crumble
    spinning into confusion
    questioning who I have become

    This power given unto me
    is drenched in uncertainty
    There is a need -to shake out of this skin
    that is like a poison spreading
    into broken pieces of my being.

    ...and silently
    with the innocence of a child's plea
    I ask to be released.





    Submitted on 2008-05-11 13:09:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the message given in this piece, especially with the last few stanzas and that incessent pleading you portray and a pitieous request to finish the piece.

    Overall I think the lines were a bit forced though, like you just couldn't understand how to get it out, like you couldn't put it all together. This is something that I am all too familiar with but I think you sort of made it work in this piece. You made it more static which is what the speaker seems to be protraying, a type of spasmodic confusion. So all in all I think it works.

    Nice piece, keep it up.
    ~Flora
    | Posted on 2008-05-12 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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