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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Origin of the Blinking Red Lightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Colten
    ASL Info:    19/Man?lol/U of I
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 62/99/43
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 727
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 939



    Description:
       I imagined a peaceful world suddenly change like a television screen dying...wouldn't that suck.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Origin of the Blinking Red Lightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Walking, through, life on soft blades
    Of grass.
    In meadows, imagined, air from corn fields
    In motion.
    Waiting, abroad, myself in light contemplation
    With criticism.

    This world is my world, alone, to live in it
    By my rules.

    Walking, within, life on hard sticks
    Of forests.
    In pastures, around, falsehoods of slight rigor
    In motion.
    Fleeing, outside, myself in another world
    Without understanding.

    This world replaces my world, consuming it
    By erroneous rules.

    I flee from sunsets fading, oceans blinking
    Quick.
    Why is my world, changing into a static screen
    Hazy.
    A light in the haze blinks off and on, a crimson light
    Obtrusive.

    This world, my world, they consume each other
    And I can't find my way home.
    A blinking red light.




    Submitted on 2008-05-12 15:50:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. The style was unique, and effective, especially the pauses.

    The verses each had a different image to create, and the link between each was those short verses that were more like a chorus, though alerting each time.

    One thing is in teh last verse, it says "This world, my world, they consume the other" this is a bit unclear; would it work better if it says "each other" or are you referring to a third world?

    And the image of this black television screen conflicts a bit with the image of the crimson light; for me, that wasn't explained enough.

    But overall, this was good. New, and I liked it!
    | Posted on 2008-05-12 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]


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