Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

new kid at school

Author: stormkrow
ASL Info:    24/ male / Montello Wi
Elite Ratio:    2.59 - 51 /52 /39
Words: 332
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1418
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1577


new kid at school

New kid at school

My footsteps echo
as I walk down the marble hall
it is the only sound
that I hear

I don't hear all
the voices chatting
the lockers slamming
I don't see the people crowding

Nor do I notice
the lockers have
stopped slamming
or the people
stop chatting

The people start staring
asking who's that and
look at his clothes

How could he wear that here

My footsteps stop
as I find my locker
I feel hundreds of eyes
all staring at me

Waiting for me to make a mistake

People laugh as my locker opens
and pictures fall to the floor

People close to me say
what a geek they are all horses
and pictures of family;

They scatter like mice as the
bell tolls
that anoying clamor

all except for one person
who asked do you need help
finding your class?

I shake my head
to and fro
As the tears start
to fall sliently
from my face

The person turns away
I start to say
I do need
he nods his head
and says I though you

My name is Ben and you must be
The new kid at school

Benjamin Hutzler

Submitted on 2008-05-12 22:16:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I love new people!

I make friends with them and then I recruit them for my evil purposes!

Good write...

| Posted on 2008-05-18 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah, we really don't like new kids around eliteskills. Especially ones with funny accents. Watch out boy!
| Posted on 2008-05-15 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
  we dont take kindly to new kids around here... said the big bully with bulging body...


All i can is this was a easy work to read through... flow was good due to the simplicity of the words used.

Good work
| Posted on 2008-05-13 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?