Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: UnderlinedInRed
    ASL Info:    18/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 196/262/123
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 566
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1393



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know that its a little late,
    And I'm a little insecure.
    But I've realized that I love you,
    If only I realized before.

    I've done some horrid things,
    Still sick memorys in my mind,
    But in my ribs, my heart still trembles,
    Hoping I havent missed too much time.

    I liked your mystery, your strength.
    Its probably why I first kissed you,
    Your morbid, cynical, depth.
    A kiss I now regret, for it was the kiss of death.

    I wanted to be a drop of sunshine,
    A teensy bit of hope for all time.
    But then I was attached,
    Wishing you would be mine.

    But then I was attached,
    Poured into you, what I could.
    Baked our skin into sunburnt cakes.
    Still sizzling, burning red.

    What light, once shown, a flickering bulb for now.
    Once a forced antagonizing glow,
    I flicker, I wither, we wilt.
    Like sunshine at its greatest fall.
    For I believe the least in what was felt.

    A kiss, a poisoned plague,
    In memory still much more vague.
    I wish our next kiss may be.
    Still darker, in its mystery.

    I'll come to thee, in darkest gloom.
    To love and hold,
    Slowly and yet, as can be, as soon.
    A candles glow, of which--To know.




    Submitted on 2008-05-13 03:33:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A teensy bit of hope for all time.
    But then I was attached,
    Wishing you would be mine.

    But then I was attached,

    REPITITION

    -moi
    | Posted on 2009-03-19 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      very interesting piece which would work better with some tweaks.

    some of the lines here were really good but i didn't enjoy reading it. the meter of the piece was off and it felt jumpy. rhymes i was expecting didn't appear. a bit of work on unifying the verses and providing them with a solid structure would make the piece much more appealing.

    i really like the lines:
    'I wish our next kiss may be
    Still darker, in its mystery.'
    Made me think all sorts.

    Thank you for posting.

    Bugs
    | Posted on 2008-12-31 00:00:00 | by bugsy | [ Reply to This ]
       I feel that your rythmes sort of seemed forced it come of the verses but I love your first paragragh sooo much.
    ------------------
    I am not sure if they title is really "Untitled" or if you forgot to give it a name. Anyway, it is overall I would say a "7.5" out of ten. It has great ideas and format but I think you would do slightly better without the rythmes since you do such a great job with picking flowing words such as in the line: "Still sick memorys in my mind,But in my ribs, my heart still trembles"
    --------------------
    Keep it up you have great talent, you do a wonderful job with visuals and getting a point across with out being viscious about it lol
    | Posted on 2008-05-13 00:00:00 | by Moon2thestars | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    161328

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry