[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: UnderlinedInRed
    ASL Info:    18/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 196/262/123
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 571
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1393


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I know that its a little late,
    And I'm a little insecure.
    But I've realized that I love you,
    If only I realized before.

    I've done some horrid things,
    Still sick memorys in my mind,
    But in my ribs, my heart still trembles,
    Hoping I havent missed too much time.

    I liked your mystery, your strength.
    Its probably why I first kissed you,
    Your morbid, cynical, depth.
    A kiss I now regret, for it was the kiss of death.

    I wanted to be a drop of sunshine,
    A teensy bit of hope for all time.
    But then I was attached,
    Wishing you would be mine.

    But then I was attached,
    Poured into you, what I could.
    Baked our skin into sunburnt cakes.
    Still sizzling, burning red.

    What light, once shown, a flickering bulb for now.
    Once a forced antagonizing glow,
    I flicker, I wither, we wilt.
    Like sunshine at its greatest fall.
    For I believe the least in what was felt.

    A kiss, a poisoned plague,
    In memory still much more vague.
    I wish our next kiss may be.
    Still darker, in its mystery.

    I'll come to thee, in darkest gloom.
    To love and hold,
    Slowly and yet, as can be, as soon.
    A candles glow, of which--To know.

    Submitted on 2008-05-13 03:33:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A teensy bit of hope for all time.
    But then I was attached,
    Wishing you would be mine.

    But then I was attached,


    | Posted on 2009-03-19 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      very interesting piece which would work better with some tweaks.

    some of the lines here were really good but i didn't enjoy reading it. the meter of the piece was off and it felt jumpy. rhymes i was expecting didn't appear. a bit of work on unifying the verses and providing them with a solid structure would make the piece much more appealing.

    i really like the lines:
    'I wish our next kiss may be
    Still darker, in its mystery.'
    Made me think all sorts.

    Thank you for posting.

    | Posted on 2008-12-31 00:00:00 | by bugsy | [ Reply to This ]
       I feel that your rythmes sort of seemed forced it come of the verses but I love your first paragragh sooo much.
    I am not sure if they title is really "Untitled" or if you forgot to give it a name. Anyway, it is overall I would say a "7.5" out of ten. It has great ideas and format but I think you would do slightly better without the rythmes since you do such a great job with picking flowing words such as in the line: "Still sick memorys in my mind,But in my ribs, my heart still trembles"
    Keep it up you have great talent, you do a wonderful job with visuals and getting a point across with out being viscious about it lol
    | Posted on 2008-05-13 00:00:00 | by Moon2thestars | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Etiquette written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Records I written by Raphael
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Carry written by saartha
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]