Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: UnderlinedInRed
    ASL Info:    18/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 193/255/119
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 155
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1393



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know that its a little late,
    And I'm a little insecure.
    But I've realized that I love you,
    If only I realized before.

    I've done some horrid things,
    Still sick memorys in my mind,
    But in my ribs, my heart still trembles,
    Hoping I havent missed too much time.

    I liked your mystery, your strength.
    Its probably why I first kissed you,
    Your morbid, cynical, depth.
    A kiss I now regret, for it was the kiss of death.

    I wanted to be a drop of sunshine,
    A teensy bit of hope for all time.
    But then I was attached,
    Wishing you would be mine.

    But then I was attached,
    Poured into you, what I could.
    Baked our skin into sunburnt cakes.
    Still sizzling, burning red.

    What light, once shown, a flickering bulb for now.
    Once a forced antagonizing glow,
    I flicker, I wither, we wilt.
    Like sunshine at its greatest fall.
    For I believe the least in what was felt.

    A kiss, a poisoned plague,
    In memory still much more vague.
    I wish our next kiss may be.
    Still darker, in its mystery.

    I'll come to thee, in darkest gloom.
    To love and hold,
    Slowly and yet, as can be, as soon.
    A candles glow, of which--To know.




    Submitted on 2008-05-13 03:33:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A teensy bit of hope for all time.
    But then I was attached,
    Wishing you would be mine.

    But then I was attached,

    REPITITION

    -moi
    | Posted on 2009-03-19 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      very interesting piece which would work better with some tweaks.

    some of the lines here were really good but i didn't enjoy reading it. the meter of the piece was off and it felt jumpy. rhymes i was expecting didn't appear. a bit of work on unifying the verses and providing them with a solid structure would make the piece much more appealing.

    i really like the lines:
    'I wish our next kiss may be
    Still darker, in its mystery.'
    Made me think all sorts.

    Thank you for posting.

    Bugs
    | Posted on 2008-12-31 00:00:00 | by bugsy | [ Reply to This ]
       I feel that your rythmes sort of seemed forced it come of the verses but I love your first paragragh sooo much.
    ------------------
    I am not sure if they title is really "Untitled" or if you forgot to give it a name. Anyway, it is overall I would say a "7.5" out of ten. It has great ideas and format but I think you would do slightly better without the rythmes since you do such a great job with picking flowing words such as in the line: "Still sick memorys in my mind,But in my ribs, my heart still trembles"
    --------------------
    Keep it up you have great talent, you do a wonderful job with visuals and getting a point across with out being viscious about it lol
    | Posted on 2008-05-13 00:00:00 | by Moon2thestars | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.