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    dots Submission Name: The Essence Of Unwanteddots

    Author: Soldier O_Tears
    ASL Info:    18/M/INDONESIA
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 41/129/120
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 894
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 831

       being unwanted

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Essence Of Unwanteddots

    I thought i've mastered all the lovesongs in the world
    Yet never I had a chance of having hands to hold
    I thought i never missed valentines all these years
    Still i stay through the night with tears

    Poets certainly have words to exploit in vain
    Yet there was days when poems sounded so empty
    When there was no more meaning to an end
    Fiercely grasp the vivid image of apathy

    Happily I adore loneliness at the most
    For what ever agony it would cost
    Somehow the joy is in the alienation
    Estaticly lost in high dose of unholy salvation

    A perfect picture of family lying on the bed
    Reflects the days that've long gone
    Here I cheer for the sad and the lone
    For they have met the essence of unwanted

    Submitted on 2008-05-13 06:33:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      please change this "Toroughly"

    "ne and the lefted" forced rhyme change it

    leave it like this
    "Here i cheer for the lone"

    Well this quite descibes what i think every single night.
    Never thought a poem will say that cause my inspiration is actually blown off. i stopped writing poems completely.
    But anyway good work
    | Posted on 2008-05-14 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]
      Well. I think that this is surely something everyone can relate to, we are all alone at some point, or at least feel that way.
    I am just going to dive in here, ok? Ok.

    The "i" in the first line needs to be capitalized. In fact all of your "i"s need to be capitalized.

    The "p" in poets in the first line of the second stanza needs to be capitalized.

    In the fourth stanza, second line, you need to change "costs" to cost.

    Last stanza, first line, "lefted" is not a word, no matter how hard you are trying to make it fit. Leave, as in go, or left, as in has gone.

    Another thing that bothers me. All but two of the stanzas are four lines. The two odd ones only have two lines. It is acceptable to write free verse, without lines, but if you are going to use some sort of structure, pick one and stick with it. You need to either alternate 4,2,4,2 and so one, or choose either 4 or 2. You can't just stick in a 2 line stanza here and there.

    Sorry to be so harsh, just a pet peeve of mine.

    | Posted on 2008-05-13 00:00:00 | by Madelaine | [ Reply to This ]

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