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    dots Submission Name: 18dots

    Author: shaman
    ASL Info:    32/m/Holland,MI
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 821/406/72
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 976
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1062

       Kinda sloppy I know, but there was a problem and when I tried to save the original something went wrong a it all got erased so it was either get pissed off and turn the computer off or try not to let anger cloud my mind and recall what I could.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Picking through Mexican brick
    The convertible gains speed on pavement slick
    Storm drains detain augmented leaves
    Damning rapidly rushing gutter streams
    Leaning against the leather chair
    Exhaling smoke into -ion charged air
    Feeling carefree yet so alive
    Blaring Hendrix as we drive
    The road winds quickly through the dunes
    Canopy cast shadow evade the full moon;
    Hanging low; aglow an amberish orange
    Seat belts unfastened, standing, pedal to the floor
    Street lamps lance the landscape
    As we make our way along the lake shore
    Mopping up rain drops deployed
    With the ass of my corduroy pants

    The pipe is cashed, I knock the ash into my hand
    Horsepower reduced from a canter to a trot
    Sliding the glass piece delicately in my pocket
    The top goes up, headlights shut off
    Closing the doors as softly as possible
    We navigate each of nature's obstacles
    Until we reach the back slider and sneak inside

    Submitted on 2008-05-13 17:45:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I, myself, am not much of an adrenaline seeker. However- junky or not, the imagery is stupendous! Every line with every rhyme takes on to the next slide, and it flows as though a music video playing in your head; the music and all.
    If this was just a re-call, I couldn't imagine how captivating the original must have been.
    | Posted on 2015-02-19 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      great poem, flows well, first stanza, I think you meant to say, "As we make our way...."
    | Posted on 2008-10-14 00:00:00 | by gjenkins | [ Reply to This ]
      is this a flashback of some time in your eighteenth year???

    Amazing...I was a little thrown off by the rhyme only because of the internal way you normally write but damn you did an awesome job of it. Might be better if you switch up some of it to be internal though...just a thought.

    hehe...this one I can see too...you blasted and blasting the plastered road to bits beneath your wheels, feeling free and Beautiful...yep

    Beautiful...as you are
    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]

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