Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

18


Author: shaman
ASL Info:    32/m/Holland,MI
Elite Ratio:    8 - 821 /406 /72
Words: 155
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1611
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1062



Description:


Kinda sloppy I know, but there was a problem and when I tried to save the original something went wrong a it all got erased so it was either get pissed off and turn the computer off or try not to let anger cloud my mind and recall what I could.


18



Picking through Mexican brick
The convertible gains speed on pavement slick
Storm drains detain augmented leaves
Damning rapidly rushing gutter streams
Leaning against the leather chair
Exhaling smoke into -ion charged air
Feeling carefree yet so alive
Blaring Hendrix as we drive
The road winds quickly through the dunes
Canopy cast shadow evade the full moon;
Hanging low; aglow an amberish orange
Seat belts unfastened, standing, pedal to the floor
Street lamps lance the landscape
As we make our way along the lake shore
Mopping up rain drops deployed
With the ass of my corduroy pants

The pipe is cashed, I knock the ash into my hand
Horsepower reduced from a canter to a trot
Sliding the glass piece delicately in my pocket
The top goes up, headlights shut off
Closing the doors as softly as possible
We navigate each of nature's obstacles
Until we reach the back slider and sneak inside




Submitted on 2008-05-13 17:45:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I, myself, am not much of an adrenaline seeker. However- junky or not, the imagery is stupendous! Every line with every rhyme takes on to the next slide, and it flows as though a music video playing in your head; the music and all.
If this was just a re-call, I couldn't imagine how captivating the original must have been.
| Posted on 2015-02-19 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
  great poem, flows well, first stanza, I think you meant to say, "As we make our way...."
| Posted on 2008-10-14 00:00:00 | by gjenkins | [ Reply to This ]
  is this a flashback of some time in your eighteenth year???

Amazing...I was a little thrown off by the rhyme only because of the internal way you normally write but damn you did an awesome job of it. Might be better if you switch up some of it to be internal though...just a thought.

hehe...this one I can see too...you blasted and blasting the plastered road to bits beneath your wheels, feeling free and Beautiful...yep

Beautiful...as you are
| Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



161359