Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Chocolate" is thicker than waterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dead,yetalive
    ASL Info:    19,female, mia FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 100/104/28
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 545



    Description:
       NOTE: I live in MIAMI.
    This was written for my language arts class and OF COURSE it's about my dead mother because that's all I really care to write about anymore. Anyway, it's a lot deeper than it seems so don't read anymore of the description until AFTER you read the poem itself; In doing that you will be able to form you own opinion about it before you actually know the depth (mabye you'll even figure it out yourself).

    This poem eludes to the old saying "Blood is thicker than water". In the first stanza the chocolate is a reference/replacement to blood. The rain and the flooding emotions refer to the water meaning that a combination of both family and friend makes for a special relationship. "Pricked my finger but once" describes how she acted as merely family and it hurt but since she never did it again it helped our relationship maintain its strength.

    **If there's anything you didn't understand or whatever you feel this could ALSO mean please feel free to express as a comment.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Chocolate" is thicker than waterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Warm winter evenings
    Mom brings out lemonade
    And we sit and talk on the porch
    My voice and hers mix and melt
    Like velvety chocolate steaming in a pot

    What makes Mom more than family
    Is her ability to make it rain
    All emotions come rushing out
    All the right emotions

    come

    pouring

    out

    Pricked my finger but once
    Taking love a step further
    Making known, unmistakable
    Pricked my finger but once




    Submitted on 2008-05-13 18:51:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem is very interesting. I enjoyed the topic and the language, but the separation of the "pouring" line seemed like a bit much, like a little too melodramatic. However, I very much enjoyed the pricking finger line, and the poem as a whole.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2008-05-13 00:00:00 | by themoviesong | [ Reply to This ]
      It isn't clear to me that"pricking of my finger."
    The mere acting as a member of the family gets me boggled also. She wasn't supposed to act as a goddess.
    I know how you feel with her gone. Time will carry you by her grave and the intensity of the moment will fade into sweet memories. You will meld into life and she will still be looking after her child.
    | Posted on 2008-05-13 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    161362

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry