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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hallow Facedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: InYuco Katan
    ASL Info:    21/M/Tx
    Elite Ratio:    4.14 - 43/37/11
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 149
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 726



    Description:
       Not really poetry....i just felt like getting back into writing; some stuff going on


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHallow Facedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hallow Face
    By: InYuco Katan

    The tears flowing
    from your face to the ground
    was I the cause
    of your fall from grace

    Smiles of hallow
    fill your face
    to cover up
    the sadness that was grace

    am I the thief
    that stole your smile
    time with me
    is nothing more than hate

    you say you love me
    you said i make you happy
    but more and more
    it seems so fake

    if it is me
    which i think it is
    i will do whatever you say
    to again bring a smile on your face

    i will leave
    i will stay
    to see your grace
    aging upon your face




    Submitted on 2008-05-14 02:49:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      First I must affirm that this is poetry , It lacks to the figures of speech but it still a cool poem, it reveals a noble high amount of emotions and the real meaning of love, in the second stanza in “Smiles of hallow” It would be better if you wrote “Smiles are hallow” to be a metaphor, in the last stanza in “to see your grace aging upon your face” you made a very good personification when you personify the “grace” to someone who is aging up.
    Nice poem
    | Posted on 2008-05-15 00:00:00 | by Duke Medhat | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I can see that you are trying, and it is a great try. There are a few mistakes that I am sure are just typos, easily fixed. I like the idea, and I like most of the phrasing, but there are a couple parts that don't really fit together. That will go away as you get back in the groove, tho.

    First Line: flowning I believe should be flowing.

    Line 1, stanza 3: theif should be thief.

    Capitalize all of your "I"s, and maybe a bit of punctuation.

    Other than that I think you did great!!

    Maddie
    | Posted on 2008-05-14 00:00:00 | by Madelaine | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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