I find it very difficult to comment on this write. I didn't really understand this line
"This journey, oh this journey, whilst it end"
Overall this could be improved greatly. I think you should consider a more conventional structure and put more thought into the word choice. I also feel it ends very abruptly so if you spend a little more time on this ,it could become a great poem. Now to the good points I saw in this, it was definitely very original which is hard when you're writing about something like life. On the whole, this was nice but can be much better. Keep writing and sharing,