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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Journeydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Strator
    ASL Info:    22/M/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.09 - 160/142/67
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 923
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 688



    Description:
       I was bored.....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJourneydots
    -------------------------------------------


    From where I started to where I am today
    The journey has been long & tiring
    from nothing to some thing I am today
    Itís not been an easy journey.

    For where ever I go it doesn't matter
    The journey will not end because of the pain and suffering
    for everything and something it does not matter
    This journey, oh this journey, whilst it end?

    This journey killed a lot of my brothers
    This journey showed no remorse

    This journey I have come from,
    It reveals that there is no discourse.....

    So whether it be from sea, air or land....
    This journey will not end.




    Submitted on 2008-05-14 09:37:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I find it very difficult to comment on this write. I didn't really understand this line
    "This journey, oh this journey, whilst it end"
    Overall this could be improved greatly. I think you should consider a more conventional structure and put more thought into the word choice. I also feel it ends very abruptly so if you spend a little more time on this ,it could become a great poem. Now to the good points I saw in this, it was definitely very original which is hard when you're writing about something like life. On the whole, this was nice but can be much better. Keep writing and sharing,

    Abbas
    | Posted on 2008-05-16 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


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    161372

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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    January 10 07
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