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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hemorrhagedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: b_v_grant
    ASL Info:    23/M/Jamaica
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 125/118/69
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 552
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1027



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHemorrhagedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Verse1

    You're stuck in my head again,
    Wont leave my solitary place...,
    I see your face.
    We're moving back and forth,
    Your feelings you just will not show,
    So I cant know.
    It's like I'm bleeding in my head

    Chorus

    I'm giving up....,
    You know my reasons,
    Yet there's nothing you could say.
    Soak this all... away...
    The rainy season
    Tell me what is it you want.... from me...

    Verse 2

    I don't know what to do,
    Thought you would understand my fears,
    It took you years.
    Waiting for you to change,
    Is just like making more mistakes,
    Its time to wake.
    It's like I'm bleeding in my head.

    Chorus

    Bridge

    Is this really my destiny....
    Is this really my destiny....
    Is this really my,
    Is this really my....

    Chorus




    Submitted on 2008-05-16 17:05:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Again, as i have told you before, i like your work. I like this piece, but i have a few pointers, and a thought.
    My thought after reading this, is it reminded me a bit of "given up" by linkin park, as far as how it's written, not about the message.
    My pointers are, as jay said, to develop it more, and add more to it, as it is short.
    Also, may i suggest changing the title to "hemorrhage", since it would be more simplistic but is still very much having to do with the imagery you used.
    | Posted on 2008-06-14 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm add a little more lines to it i think, needs a little more body to it maybe. Kind of develop the story more.

    Keep it cute,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2008-05-18 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]


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