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    dots Submission Name: Sunlight on Your Facedots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 992
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 499

       I'm posting old stuff about which I'm not too sure. I'm just too tired to write anything.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSunlight on Your Facedots

    Sunlight on your face
    makes you shine
    like a copper coin,
    and your smile glints
    like white hot moonlight
    on a perfectly black night.
    I never thought
    that something so simple
    could make you more handsome,
    make your kisses even sweeter.
    I think you'll blind me
    and burn me,
    but lets stand here
    until the sun descends
    behind the approaching clouds
    and destroys the illusion.

    Submitted on 2004-07-02 09:46:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      optimism created as if you could see it as a human .and that too in so few words. precise and clear. though could have been made more artistic.
    | Posted on 2004-07-08 00:00:00 | by sona | [ Reply to This ]
      If this is old stuff, I recommend practicing the old arts some more. Old is good. How old can it be, I didn't write for twenty years, started again and begining to regret it...stopping or starting? Both I reckon.
    | Posted on 2004-07-05 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      nice little love poem. your images are really good. it ends on a sad note cause you say it's just an illusion. but you're willing to enjoy it as long as is lasts even if you go blind and burn. really good poem, wouldn't divide it into stanzas. I don't think that this looks better.
    | Posted on 2004-07-02 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked it. i agree with bentnotbroken about the stanzas looking beter even if they dont change anyhing important. i thought the copper coin thing was ok. one thig i wasnt too sure about is talking about someone in the sun shine and compairing their smile to moonlight. seems a little off the two oposites of night and day so close togther. but other than that its a good old write. keep em comeing
    | Posted on 2004-07-02 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]
      Why aren't you too sure about this? It's good. I'm not really crazy about the third line but it fits. Only one other suggestion really and it's purely superficial. I think you should divide the poem into stanzas. 6/4/6 seems like it would work pretty well, but like I said, it's only superficial. Anyway, good job.
    | Posted on 2004-07-02 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]

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