[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Sunlight on Your Facedots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 767
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 499

       I'm posting old stuff about which I'm not too sure. I'm just too tired to write anything.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSunlight on Your Facedots

    Sunlight on your face
    makes you shine
    like a copper coin,
    and your smile glints
    like white hot moonlight
    on a perfectly black night.
    I never thought
    that something so simple
    could make you more handsome,
    make your kisses even sweeter.
    I think you'll blind me
    and burn me,
    but lets stand here
    until the sun descends
    behind the approaching clouds
    and destroys the illusion.

    Submitted on 2004-07-02 09:46:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      optimism created as if you could see it as a human .and that too in so few words. precise and clear. though could have been made more artistic.
    | Posted on 2004-07-08 00:00:00 | by sona | [ Reply to This ]
      If this is old stuff, I recommend practicing the old arts some more. Old is good. How old can it be, I didn't write for twenty years, started again and begining to regret it...stopping or starting? Both I reckon.
    | Posted on 2004-07-05 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      nice little love poem. your images are really good. it ends on a sad note cause you say it's just an illusion. but you're willing to enjoy it as long as is lasts even if you go blind and burn. really good poem, wouldn't divide it into stanzas. I don't think that this looks better.
    | Posted on 2004-07-02 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked it. i agree with bentnotbroken about the stanzas looking beter even if they dont change anyhing important. i thought the copper coin thing was ok. one thig i wasnt too sure about is talking about someone in the sun shine and compairing their smile to moonlight. seems a little off the two oposites of night and day so close togther. but other than that its a good old write. keep em comeing
    | Posted on 2004-07-02 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]
      Why aren't you too sure about this? It's good. I'm not really crazy about the third line but it fits. Only one other suggestion really and it's purely superficial. I think you should divide the poem into stanzas. 6/4/6 seems like it would work pretty well, but like I said, it's only superficial. Anyway, good job.
    | Posted on 2004-07-02 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]