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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: inadequatedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: joy7542
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 1034/953/203
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1189
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 739



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsinadequatedots
    -------------------------------------------


    be strong, it'll get better,
    be beautiful and one day they will see...
    weakness creeps so slowly and then, suddenly,
    you're in too deep.

    tears on midnight rambles,
    twilight has lost all color -
    how can the world just fade from sight?
    life, I stand in awesome wonder

    how can the tables turn so quickly,
    and the sun shine during rain?
    it's a bitter life, so sure on aching,
    can happiness be more than feigned?

    be strong, be strong
    it will get better, at length,
    I am surrounded by my fears and weakness...
    but what is helpless, hopeless,inadequate fear
    except a place to find your strength?




    Submitted on 2008-05-17 12:24:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed this one Joy. Usually rhymes tend to lessen the seriousness of deeper subjects, but your near rhymes are "barely there" and create a forward moving message without detracting.

    "but what is helpless, hopeless,inadequate fear
    except a place to find your strength?
    "

    I thought the ending succinct and memorable, and the repetition of the first line in the last stanza "be strong, it'll get better,---"
    serves to underscore your position. Most fears are indeed useless except when we confront them and deal with them as you say. (Too bad it's not as easy to do just that as it is to surrender to them)

    I liked the self-questioning throughout also. I think we can all relate, having asked ourselves those same questions time and again. But the last one, in the final lines, by contrast shows resolution and conviction, and that makes the peom come full circle. Well Done

    Sally
    | Posted on 2008-12-05 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      A home
    | Posted on 2008-11-11 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      how can the tables turn so quickly,
    and the sun shine during rain?
    it's a bitter life, so sure on aching,
    can happiness be more than feigned?

    be strong, be strong
    it will get better, at length,
    I am surrounded by my fears and weakness...
    but what is helpless, hopeless,inadequate fear
    except a place to find your strength?



    And the battle continues as it always has, with one exception: the warrior finally realizes her skill, desire and daring to overcome. It is more than a pleasure to see you've posted something again. Now, if you could be persuaded to do this more often, more people could draw strength from the sentiments that you've expressed here.

    Take care, Jen
    Bill
    | Posted on 2008-05-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really powerful and deep. Really its one of the better pieces of poetry I've read on the site.
    It's true; strength is really necessary in life. It inspires hope and just about everything else. This was simple yet thought provoking. I'm sorry I can't find anything in this to criticize. You kept it simple which made it even more effective I felt. Very well written. Thanks for sharing,

    Abbas

    Oh btw, I found something you can change.
    "your in too deep" -> "you're in too deep"

    Haha I had to find something. This goes in my favourites list
    | Posted on 2008-05-17 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


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    161482

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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