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    dots Submission Name: Chapter 2: Racing Timedots

    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.56 - 41/64/75
    Words: 1511
    Class/Type: Story/Serious
    Total Views: 686
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 8307

       GAH! Friggin' roaches. I went to click 'edit' but I clicked the delete function insted. I guess that what happens when it's 12 AM
    I am very sorry for the comments that were already posted on the last one...But I cannot return those to their proper places.
    *cry every comment I got made me feel all tingly inside*...I am sowwy :(

    In the end, I a few more paragraphs..this is mostly finished, just some editing needs to be done, but critisim would be nice
    I hope it makes sense

    Hikaru Yue..

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChapter 2: Racing Timedots

    I am racing the turquoise sky, my body penetrating the soft clouds that brush my scales. Below me is insignificant at this height. I am exploring a new world that only manifested itself in my dreams. I have finally mastered flight. It has taken an abundance of effort. For the first ninety-nine years of my existence, my wings were incapable and too small to lift my bulk.

    Watching Ketsuen take to the air, and myself remaining on the ground, made me impatient, I attempted. But as Ketsuen Izumi Yue, my life giver had stated several times, I would not be able to do so until the one hundredth year. I was furious. I rampaged the terrain and paced my wings, over and over. I could still not take lift.

    Ketsuen, had told me, in the confines of our flat terrestrial home located on the highest peak of the mountains, named the Eastern landshundredth year of life, I must leave to the pedagogy quarter. This is where numerous Xinyon such as myself will seek wisdom from an older, ancient Dragon. His name is Aoi Bo Longwie.

    This situation concerns me. My life giver has provided for me, and has carried me for ten-thousand years, and on the following day of my hatching, I learned much. We are too live a long existence, something that may be unwanted, and lengthy. I enjoy living at the moment, so I do not reprehend myself.

    Also on this day, color came to my eyes. I was able to see the Immense One for what she truly was. The color of liquid from the prey that Ketsuen herself has caught for me. Compared to my moonlit color, which is the color belonging to my bloodline, hers is different. This difference makes me wonder if she has truly brought me to existence. But I cannot say she has not. I could feel she has been with me. I will one day learn this tale, of how her color came to be, and why the translation of her name is Blood fountain of the Moon.

    During the years that followed after my birth, Ketsuen has slowly told me of many things I will be capable of. The Sight of the Coming, and The Sight of the finished, are examples of what I shall be able to experience. These two gifts are family treasures. Passed on from generation to generation. But I have also accumulated gifts from my other life giver, Ketsuen’s mate; Gui Jinging Guang

    This Dragon is very revered throughout the land. He holds wisdom surpassing Aoi Bo Longwie. He does not share lore, preferring to keep those discoveries to himself. Somehow this feature is one to be found in the world of ‘humans’ who are about to evolve from cave and tree dwellers. We will soon need to keep our existence hidden from these weary eyes. Or so Ketsuen has told. They will find ways to interchange our minds, and carry us to dwell with a new way of thought. It is said that once a dragon has experienced this, the whole inner
    embodiment of that being will change. She has not conveyed to me if this is a favourable situation. She had told me that I will find that out for myself in the coming millennia’s.


    The familiar presence of Ketsuen rushes into my mind as she sends me her thoughts;
    Akira Yue?

    Ketsuen, I have taken flight. Can you see? Everything is so inferior. It is truly as I am experiencing one of my manifestations. The trees are almost non-existent. The water, is a mirror, showing the full length of my body. I am beautiful with the sun reflecting on my scales.
    ....Yes. Return. You will soon be breaking my boundaries.

    There is a limit to what I am able to fly?

    ...Akira Yue, the boundaries are not just for you, but for I as well. Any dragon that comes into this barrier is to be killed by me. If you exit this territory, you will perish. Return.

    The thought of losing my ability to fly battled the thought of not flying for the moment. I shifted my wings, and turned my body in the direction to where Ketsuen awaited. She most likely has a feeding prepared. She will also teach me to hunt, before I set off to Aoi Bo Longwie.


    I am nearing the plateau where Ketsuen is awaiting me. I glide down for my first landing. I am confident I will be successful, but the wind shifts suddenly, and turned my destination into something unthinkable - Into the path of an ancient tree, many times wider then myself. I commanded my wings and weight to the right, to attempt a circle to avoid the many sprawling branches of the tree. But the turbulence of my uncontrolled flight detains me to attempt anything such. I am not nearly far enough to avoid the mass of wood. I panic, and a branch of the ancient tree grazed my foot causing my frontal body to jerk into a downwards motion. I spiral, the world spinning in front of my view. There is Ketsuen somewhere in my whirlpool of images, watching me, amused.

    My bulk clouts the ground severely, pain pelts through my torso. I plunged across the plateau, skimming over rocks and other debris, leaving behind a trail of pulpous dust. At the end of my trek, I am sprawled over the ground. Slowly I lift myself and pain pumps through my left side. This is a situation I did not expect. This is not how a landing is to take place. A landing is graceful; maybe a small thump, but nothing such as this.
    Ketsuen presence comes through me, along with a reassuring calmness.

    Much Practice is required. You cannot expect to have everything accomplished on your first attempt.

    What Ketsuen has said is true. Possibly, her first landing could have been worse then mine.

    In truth, Not so...

    Or I could have been mistaken.

    I take a few unsteady steps toward Ketsuen. My stomach gnarls with hunger. The long flight diminished most of my energy. My life giver, sits facing me, with the sun touching her brilliant red scales. I instinctively look for food, but I do not see it, I smell the mountain air. There is still no such thing. I look up at Ketsuen questionably.

    Her deep voice rumbled the ground, causing small rocks and dust to race down the mountain hills beside us. “It is time for you to hunt for yourself, Akira Yue.” Her massive head looked over the plateau, where herds of large heavy bodied grey creatures that arrived every Skywater season till the end of Leaf Change season. The herd is pacing in a circle and trumpeting their long dextrous trunks, while two males within the circle seem to be having a dispute over the surrounding females.

    “I am to hunt?” I squawked in disbelief as I viewed the large creatures tackle each other with a force to shock my meagre bones.

    “If you do not hunt, you shall not eat. Once you have become a hunter you will fly to Aoi Bo Longwie.” She turned to face me and looked me in the eyes. “Farewell, my Bright Moon. May you get to your destination safely.” With those last words, the presence of Ketsuen left my mind. I watch as she heaved her behemoth bulk to spread her wings; that were twice the length of her, and stretch to the sky. Then she hoisted off.

    For a moment I sat there, watching her fly, then slowly I raise my body, and started running after her. I am still smarting and feeble from my previous flight, but I will still attempt to flap my wings to race after her. I do not want her to leave, not just yet. She is my life giver; she can not leave when I am living! But my strength had departed, and my talons betrayed me, as I trip over a piece of debris, landing on my stomach. I lay on the solid land, looking up as my life giver; no, my maker of existence now, departed into the turquoise sky.

    Submitted on 2008-05-18 22:22:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, i really loved the level of detail you used in this, you painted a very nice picture of life as a dragon. I could almost envision what it would be like to fly through the sky brushing the clouds. But a key flaw that poked its head out early, that I am especially good at finding because I do it ALL the time, is that you mix up your tenses. You did it in the very first paragraph and a few places throughout the story.

    I am racing the turquoise sky, my body penetrating the soft clouds that brush my scales. Below me was insignificant at this height. I was exploring a new world that only manifested itself in my dreams. I have finally mastered flight.

    I am racing - Present tense
    was insignificant, was exploring - past tense
    have mastered - back to present tense

    figured i'd let you know. Good luck writing more, i'd like to read the rest when you finish it up :)
    | Posted on 2008-05-19 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]

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