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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: House of Cardsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Algol46
    ASL Info:    200/m/East of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 1111/1235/613
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 765
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 621



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHouse of Cardsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The night is razor cold and bleak,
    Through the elms the gray storm passes,
    Harries leaves and reeds and grasses.
    I am weak.

    Weak as a fragile dried out weed
    Above the frozen lake at dusk,
    Iím just an empty hollow husk,
    Dead reed.

    And with old age my hopes have thinned,
    Each hope that starts it seems to stall,
    And like a house of card will fall,
    In wind.

    Now winter storms, without delay,
    Come with the icy, killing snow
    And like the leaves that fly I blow
    Away.




    Submitted on 2008-05-20 07:23:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Fix : house of card wills fall,
    into: house of cards will fall,
    throws off the flow, after that, CIS, Chisel In Stone
    | Posted on 2008-05-26 00:00:00 | by caveman | [ Reply to This ]
      The flow and the imagery was amazing and constant. This poem makes the heart ache, but i couldn't tare my eyes away. I loved the image of the card house falling in the wind. Absolutely fantastic!
    | Posted on 2008-05-21 00:00:00 | by silentpoison | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very nice poem. I have seen this exact structure used by our best poet with great success in one of his pieces. Is this a special form of poetry? Like an old style that at some time was widely used? Or did you just write it that way?
    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems an almost strange switch between the outdoor setting and the card setting. The first stanzas did set it up though; I could feel the tension rising in the words before that exact line. This did finish the picture nicely, however, with the last stanza. It was beautifully done, the description of the feeling without the spelled out meaning.
    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      Oops, sorry! The web site was acting up, and my comments were taking forever to post, so naturally, I clicked them a couple more times!! Does anyone hear an echo in here!!!!!??
    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      The cold winds blow, and the time comes when we just
    "ceaseto be"; or, do we? Nah!

    Up from the cold wind, out the icy dust
    arises a tired, but ruthless soul
    and sword to wind
    does thrust!

    We can't have none of this "blowin away stuff"!

    We need you around here!!

    Excellent write, my talented friend! Grim as the reaper, this!!

    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      The cold winds blow, and the time comes when we just
    "ceaseto be"; or, do we? Nah!

    Up from the cold wind, out the icy dust
    arises a tired, but ruthless soul
    and sword to wind
    does thrust!

    We can't have none of this "blowin away stuff"!

    We need you around here!!

    Excellent write, my talented friend! Grim as the reaper, this!!

    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      The cold winds blow, and the time comes when we just
    "ceaseto be"; or, do we? Nah!

    Up from the cold wind, out the icy dust
    arises a tired, but ruthless soul
    and sword to wind
    does thrust!

    We can't have none of this "blowin away stuff"!

    We need you around here!!

    Excellent write, my talented friend! Grim as the reaper, this!!

    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Sad sad sad. Makes me think of my grandad. Lovely piece, but depressing. I always hated winter.

    peace
    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Madelaine | [ Reply to This ]


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