Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: House of Cardsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Algol46
    ASL Info:    200/m/East of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 1111/1235/613
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 621



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHouse of Cardsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The night is razor cold and bleak,
    Through the elms the gray storm passes,
    Harries leaves and reeds and grasses.
    I am weak.

    Weak as a fragile dried out weed
    Above the frozen lake at dusk,
    Iím just an empty hollow husk,
    Dead reed.

    And with old age my hopes have thinned,
    Each hope that starts it seems to stall,
    And like a house of card will fall,
    In wind.

    Now winter storms, without delay,
    Come with the icy, killing snow
    And like the leaves that fly I blow
    Away.




    Submitted on 2008-05-20 07:23:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Fix : house of card wills fall,
    into: house of cards will fall,
    throws off the flow, after that, CIS, Chisel In Stone
    | Posted on 2008-05-26 00:00:00 | by caveman | [ Reply to This ]
      The flow and the imagery was amazing and constant. This poem makes the heart ache, but i couldn't tare my eyes away. I loved the image of the card house falling in the wind. Absolutely fantastic!
    | Posted on 2008-05-21 00:00:00 | by silentpoison | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very nice poem. I have seen this exact structure used by our best poet with great success in one of his pieces. Is this a special form of poetry? Like an old style that at some time was widely used? Or did you just write it that way?
    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems an almost strange switch between the outdoor setting and the card setting. The first stanzas did set it up though; I could feel the tension rising in the words before that exact line. This did finish the picture nicely, however, with the last stanza. It was beautifully done, the description of the feeling without the spelled out meaning.
    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      Oops, sorry! The web site was acting up, and my comments were taking forever to post, so naturally, I clicked them a couple more times!! Does anyone hear an echo in here!!!!!??
    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      The cold winds blow, and the time comes when we just
    "ceaseto be"; or, do we? Nah!

    Up from the cold wind, out the icy dust
    arises a tired, but ruthless soul
    and sword to wind
    does thrust!

    We can't have none of this "blowin away stuff"!

    We need you around here!!

    Excellent write, my talented friend! Grim as the reaper, this!!

    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      The cold winds blow, and the time comes when we just
    "ceaseto be"; or, do we? Nah!

    Up from the cold wind, out the icy dust
    arises a tired, but ruthless soul
    and sword to wind
    does thrust!

    We can't have none of this "blowin away stuff"!

    We need you around here!!

    Excellent write, my talented friend! Grim as the reaper, this!!

    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      The cold winds blow, and the time comes when we just
    "ceaseto be"; or, do we? Nah!

    Up from the cold wind, out the icy dust
    arises a tired, but ruthless soul
    and sword to wind
    does thrust!

    We can't have none of this "blowin away stuff"!

    We need you around here!!

    Excellent write, my talented friend! Grim as the reaper, this!!

    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Sad sad sad. Makes me think of my grandad. Lovely piece, but depressing. I always hated winter.

    peace
    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Madelaine | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    161601

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Giving written by jjd
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Push written by JanePlane

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry