I am like an old man who has the power to govern all things within. My skin is dry clay. That had once been saturated into living water. Once I dared ask to learn the wisdom of God, to discover resolutions for men’s fully. Grief was the wisdom I had learned. My eyes have since been plucked out so I can absorb the spectacle of sorrow no more. The mind has long since trained the nerves inside the ears to hear nothing except the voice within and the voice above. I left all that I am to retreat in this cave of isolation. I set next to a pool of floating memories. They are my comfort. I wait tell that small voice breaks through the stale air calling me to return to my purpose. I know my purpose. I know I will return. I am just not ready to take my place.
I am a commander of a ship. The excitement of the voyage is my muse.
Ride the storm, to bask in the light of the stairs, to hear the whales sing and the water crash against the helm. My deck is kept clean and orderly. The engine is good. The ship is maintained and balanced even through everything is not perfect. There is a secret to being a captain. A good captain’s first priority is always to the ship. Even when sailing with a fleet of ships the priority is first to thy own ship. This should never change.
The power of choice is what each captain possesses. I choose to be part of a fleet. As a fleet we embark forward on a journey. Here is what I have learned about sailing in a fleet. Ships with out a lead, a compose, a vision and a direction and good communication with one another will began to become lost and crash into each other. Even if one of these ships lacks or is damaged it can cause harm and possible distraction of the entire fleet. There are two things you should except when you sail with another ship. Expect a certain amount of control lost because trust is gained. To choose to sail next to another is to choosing to accept them with their damage and flaws. There is an amount of time, resources, that can be offered to help the other ship fix the damage and necessary repairs. In the end it is the reasonability of captain and the crew to choose their fate. I as the captain know of my limitations and resources of my vessel. I can judge what aid I can give another ship. I am learning more about where that line is when it is time to break away from the fleet to protect my own ship. I have watched many beautiful ships become lost and even go down. Currently, the ship I sail with is a fine ship. I have sailed with it for many years and have endured many storms. I have failed slightly as a captain of my own ship, because my choice is that my heart is with the one I sail. The power of choice is what each captain possesses. I choose to love my love is strong and a little blinding. I am at the helm of my ship. I have the wheel tightly gripped, but I am paralyzed.
“Who do people say that I am?” The person I am seeing refers to me as an office check by day and a Goth by night. The light house that tares apart the fog and that attracts many people shore. People say that I am the rock in the storm and the person who gives too much of self selflessly. Many say that I am a “Good person”. Few say that I am “free.” My co-workers say I am dependable, constant, controlling, and flexible. They say I need to be more attentive to detail and spelling. My mothers say I am her joy, my father says little but I know he is proud. Those who are part of my inner circles say I like to be alone left in my cave. They have worn others who try and force their way in or pull me out. They have told others that a great deal of time must pass before I will let them into being a friend. It is not important how others view me or what they say of me. The important thing is what I think and believe about myself.