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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "A Promise In The Wind"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ron Cole
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 1667/1122/181
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 130
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 839



    Description:
       


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    dots"A Promise In The Wind"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'll always be here with you
    though my body cannot stay.
    I promise to come to you,
    whether it be night or day.

    My voice will softly whisper
    as a promise in the wind,
    I'll leave you hugs and kisses,
    and caresses without end.

    Whether you're out in the Forest,
    where my words caress the leaves,
    or at home back in our cabin,
    I will whisper around the eaves.

    I will muss your hair and tease your cheeks,
    and caress your furrowed brow,
    and I will lie along side you
    as the Fir Trees gently bow.

    Though I hate so much to leave you,
    there's no hope for me to mend.
    I will always come back to you
    as a promise in the wind.

    Ron Cole
    May 2008




    Submitted on 2008-05-21 13:17:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Romantic and inspiring, nice work.


    Jamar2.
    | Posted on 2008-10-11 00:00:00 | by jamar2 | [ Reply to This ]
      Talk about romance! This is so sweet! It's brilliant- I love it.

    -Rose

    | Posted on 2008-08-31 00:00:00 | by Roselize | [ Reply to This ]
      Over all I like this. It's a very cute poem.

    I have a couple miffs with it though. (and yes, I just made that word up, but I'm too lazy to come up with a better one.)

    One is the word caress. It's used three times, and it feels very redundant. It would be nice to see something more varied.

    The second is that the last stanza feels a little inconsistent to me. The first two lines are on the sadder side, and say that there is "no hope," but then the last two reveal that there really is hope, because you will always return as a promise in the wind. I think these lines need to be separated into at least two different stanzas, and also I think that the concept of having no hope needs to be removed completely, because the ending of the poem shows that there is hope for your return.

    I really did like this, though.
    Keep writing,
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2008-08-27 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
      It resonates with a whispering tune. A prayer in the wind. An inspiring poem that brings a small spark of hope and a little dash of romance poured into a nicely formed rhyme.
    | Posted on 2008-05-27 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      it's beutifull, it lives, it needs a sequel, Chisel it in Stone...
    | Posted on 2008-05-26 00:00:00 | by caveman | [ Reply to This ]
      It's amazing what can be heard on the wind...if we listen with our hearts.
    Another lovely poem of love and devotion, Ron!
    I especially like the fourth stanza. Makes mussed hair and furrowed brow much more appealing!

    Thanks for sharing another of your truly heartfelt poems.
    | Posted on 2008-05-25 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      The sorrow of parting is beautifully muted in the promise of forever love. This is a super poem, Ron. :-) Sharon
    | Posted on 2008-05-24 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      Ron,

    How you continuously bring me to the height of emotional bliss everytime I read your words. You make me cry, laugh, pound my fists, and shake my head - your writing is genius.

    This is so sweet - no, tender and loving and just breathes life...even as life slips away.

    It's love

    Well done my friend,
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2008-05-23 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      Haunting and so very lovely, the first three stanzas I thought exceptional! a wonderful poem, I loved it loved it, absolutely, loved it! bravo.... bravo... bravo...
    | Posted on 2008-05-22 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]


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