You tell yourself
you’ve put it all in the past
where it can’t hurt you anymore
standing outside the window aghast
thinking about how the ones
who should have loved you the most
and kept you warm and dry
sent you out into the cold
where you became a ghost
you watch wistfully at the window
as the snow starts to fall
at the fireplace inside home that glows
and you wish you had a coat

You tell yourself
you’ve put it all in the past
where it can’t hurt you anymore
you with your head in your hands
thinking about how the ones who
were just using you
a boy addicted to heroin
down the same path you flew
thinking he was the answer
to all of your prayers
only to realize too late
that he wasn't really there

You can slide back into the past
your demons are waiting for you there
with welcoming arms wide open
like your family’s should be
but they don’t care

I dare you to stand still
think of how you fought for yourself
you crawled and cried and scratched your way
with no one else’s help
fingertips and knuckles bleeding
all the way up the canyon walls
to get away
unanswered calls

I dare you to stay

A man who adored you
and made you his wife
drowning in a bottle
as you watched him helplessly
drain away his life
gentle hands that turned deadly
squeezing throat, slamming head on wall
as you shielded the baby that you made
with your battered body during the fall
you ran for your life
getting that call one day
you always knew would come
that he’s gone forever now
no more damage to run from

So many lonely years
but that child was enough
look at the son you’ve raised
all by yourself
then the loneliness overcame you
and you met someone across the ocean
who thought the world of you
you brought out the worst in each other
no matter how good it felt
stunned that he loved you
since you didn’t love yourself
you hate what you became

You can slide back into the past
your demons are waiting for you there
with welcoming arms wide open
like your family’s should be
but they don’t care

I dare you to stand still
think of how you fought for yourself
you crawled and cried and scratched your way
with no one else’s help
fingertips and knuckles bleeding
all the way up the canyon walls
to get away
unanswered calls

I dare you to stay

You dealt with this pain
in an unhealthy way
now the doctors want to send you
where you don’t want to stay
mothers don’t leave their children
it’s the other way around
pride and modesty stolen
never to be found
because they must watch as you give
deprived of privacy
a specimen for the meds you need
so you don't go crazy
they tore you down, never to be rebuilt
that you did on your own
because you refused to quit

There’s a decision today
as you stand on the edge
will you give into the demons
or step away from the ledge
will your family win
will you give in to self hate
your glance at that bottle
lingers twisted with fate
can you let go of the shame of the past
the embarrassment of giving in
to impulses you still don’t understand
knowing it wasn’t worth it and you'd never win

You can slide back into the past
your demons are waiting for you there
with welcoming arms wide open
like your family’s should be
but they don’t care

I dare you to stand still
think of how you fought for yourself
you crawled and cried and scratched your way
with no one else’s help
fingertips and knuckles bleeding
all the way up the canyon walls
to get away
unanswered calls

I dare you to stay

What do you say?
that’s my girl
she stepped away from the ledge
like she’s always done
even when she’s on edge
because these scars she bears
she will wear with pride
knowing what it all boils down to
is the strength she has inside
and there’s no one worth
what her son is to her
and there’s nothing worth
her own pride in her

No one can take that away
though throughout her life
I will need to beg her to stay
coax her away from the knife
she’s someone worth fighting for
no matter the indignation
because this is a journey
not a destination