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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: a mutual homedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 597
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1319



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa mutual homedots
    -------------------------------------------


    do you remember
    when another life was loving into us,
    unmistakably,
    like thoughts move
    through open doors?

    that place is another continent,
    like i am to you,
    another world
    wrapped into dreams
    like an unborn child
    that's almost not here.

    but i remember for us all.
    & i let the trees loosen into me,
    with their orange peels of sun,
    the way that they would've wanted.
    the way that i would want them to recall us
    in our elegant affair.

    how many dreams must i dream
    or how many realities
    do i have to injest
    before i manifest
    whatever it is
    that you're looking for?

    i wonder if i can be the bleeding everything forever.
    or if i have it in me to keep true
    what must be kept true.
    when everything is broken,
    how can i keep the pieces of me
    from moving on into the emptiness of what i am?

    am i the forest,
    or is the forest that is in me
    more than i can know?
    i'll keep searching though,
    through the intricate moss of myself
    & our own.

    & still
    the robin
    guides me towards a mutual home...




    Submitted on 2008-05-21 14:08:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I should have known someone from Iceland would write such a distant piece like this. and guess what? I love it. This is absolutely excellent. I love the stanza with "ingest" and "manifest". I love the feeling of longing and self-inflection this piece relates. I mean this is some deep thought provoking stuff. Kudos my friend. A magnificent work to be proud of!
    | Posted on 2008-06-16 00:00:00 | by jayisademon | [ Reply to This ]
      I love how your verbs are just barely off-kilter, which makes them really unique and interesting.

    i wonder if i can be the bleeding everything forever.

    Yes. I wonder.
    Killer line.

    Killer piece.

    (I love your words--a lot of them (read a few pieces)--but there's this icy sort of distance to them that makes me feel a little aloof. It's amazing.)
    | Posted on 2008-05-24 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]


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    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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