[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: it never camedots

    Author: ira
    ASL Info:    21.f.ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 238/273/176
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 575
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 988

       it could and all hopes it should, but hasnt yet.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsit never camedots

    My September never came,
    Thought it would but itís all a game.
    My September never came,
    Leave the lock to rust in the Pouring Pain,
    Feel it truth, the rim with youth,
    My cup was filled with fantasy.
    My September continues to drift,
    Run a-muck on lies under-sheltered ties,
    My September never came,
    Offered the keys, they dried.
    My September locked away, packed the
    Lacking memories, put them on display.
    My picture on the wall a reminder of what
    it couldnít be.
    Write a letter all the same,
    Drifting quietly through this acid fancy-flee,
    No fault but my own.
    My September never came,
    No fault but my own, yes Iíll take the blame.
    Used the patterned made you dance, Iíll drift
    a bit back to my past.
    Forever tied, but no key to unlock this Septembers past.
    No key to lock, no lock to key, September remains but a dream to me.

    Submitted on 2008-05-22 00:54:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hokay, that was good, took me for a ride and left me on the roof, it's one of those "overly comfy couch" pieces, y'know, you sit in it and just sink in and think to yourself, "I will no longer want to get up." Chisel it In Stone
    | Posted on 2008-05-26 00:00:00 | by caveman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good. I love how it's depressing and yet not clichťd in any way, I also love the word play you used and the way you kept the theme through the entire poem.
    | Posted on 2008-05-23 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
    | Posted on 2008-05-22 00:00:00 | by kiki402 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ¬©‚ĄĘ written by kyserin
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]