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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ADDICTIONdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PsychoBabble214
    ASL Info:    18/female
    Elite Ratio:    4.52 - 103/109/29
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 646
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1056



    Description:
       it's been awhile since i've written much of anything, be honest though, i need the critisism.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsADDICTIONdots
    -------------------------------------------


    shallow breathing
    beating heart
    enticing silence
    play the part

    blinking lashes
    falling tears
    my eyes are dead
    with rancid fears


    makeup smeared
    call me a whore
    biting my lip
    i still want more

    red lips
    black eyes
    mascara thick
    hair dyed

    look in the mirror
    and turn away
    i can't go back
    i'm stuck this way

    lost in the dark
    shadows falling
    voices loud
    my mommas calling

    close my eyes
    the voices fade
    screaming starts
    debts to pay

    cold sweat
    racing speed
    adrenelin pumping
    aching need

    back arched
    mouth wide
    say i love you
    its a lie

    scratch itched
    next in line
    all fucked up
    the sin is mine

    call me baby
    call me bitch
    no matter what
    you're just an itch




    Submitted on 2008-05-23 02:42:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      o. m. g.

    wow.

    holy crap.

    i dont know. i have to tell you i ...LOVED IT! and no i dont give that easly. not at all! you wrote that just like i would have, but better. i would give you something to fix but i truthfully cant think of any to give you. it just kind of stuck with me. i REALLY like it. the flow was there. the rhythm was perfect! i believe that RHYTHM is the most important aspect of all poetry attributs and you NAILED it! good for you!
    the short, brisk lines kept the piece moving and my attention was kept(some thing very hard to do)

    i really liked it!

    good for you.
    i wish i could give you something to fix. but im sorry i cant!

    ~annie
    | Posted on 2008-05-23 00:00:00 | by annie smith | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    161719

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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