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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love Hurts....dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Love Hurts.....
    ASL Info:    15/M/Aberdeen, Wa
    Elite Ratio:    2.3 - 14/12/7
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Passion
    Total Views: 579
    Average Vote:    4.6667
    Bytes: 240



    Description:
       my first poem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove Hurts....dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can you see what you've done to me?
    Left me too die inside, everyday?
    It hurts me too see you with him,
    all happy and full of glee.

    But everyone knows that,
    No matter what happens, Love Hurts.




    Submitted on 2008-05-23 14:32:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think this poem is true. Love can hurt more then anything at times. I see the guy I love, with other girls all the time, and it hurts more then anything. Then all use him. I could have a chance with him, but I won't let myslef be with him because of my fears. I just wish to be that girl, and show him what true love is, I'm not sure if he'll ever know....

    Anyways, love does hurt, that's no lie. You might be in pain now, but you won't forever. You'll find someone, who loves you, for you. And wants you, for you, and wants to spend the rest of their life with you. This girl, might have broken your heart, but it will heal :] Just give it time, everything takes time in life.

    The only thing that really bugged me in this poem was the endding. Too be honest, I think you could've wrote more. Added something. Make it deeper, something. I'm not sure, I just kmow that I didn't like the ending so much.

    Overall, this is a good poem though. And the fact it's your first poem, it's really good. For your first one. Keep working on it. Your writing will get stronger.

    Keep your head up, things will get vetter. It just takes time. :]
    ~SuperMel
    | Posted on 2008-06-03 00:00:00 | by SuperMel | [ Reply to This ]
      it seems incomplete... like you didn't finish your thoughts... if you had kept it going after the first stanza, it would be better i think... but it shows potential...
    | Posted on 2008-06-03 00:00:00 | by Kaygrl | [ Reply to This ]
      It's got a lot of promise, but...it's just not original. Everyone can relate to what you're saying but it's because it's already been said 100 times over again. Take what your feeling and twist it into something different make it your own. Peace!
    | Posted on 2008-05-26 00:00:00 | by jayisademon | [ Reply to This ]
      That's true, love hurts. But with time, it will certainly get better. You will forget about her someday.

    And I believe that one day, every human being will find a person who deserves them. So will you, so keep your chin up. :)

    -Allison
    | Posted on 2008-05-24 00:00:00 | by revol | [ Reply to This ]


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