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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The First Five Moments of a First Kissdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Imadjinn
    ASL Info:    17/M/Neverwhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 340/348/146
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1223



    Description:
       A very descriptive title


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe First Five Moments of a First Kissdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It was an Impractical moment,
    Paradoxical as it was filled with a strange vertigo
    I don't know if it was meant to happen, or if it just did
    the stars don't like revealing secrets like that

    who knows what kind of art it makes
    if it sits in the attic, covered with dust,
    or displayed in some Smithsonian, lighted and admired
    but there it was

    The ringing in my ears equaled dropping bombs
    The burning with my face was a fire
    it was like a dream, something faceted
    Some synonyms were never meant to be said

    Maybe it was music, some lyrics tuned by minstrals over ten thousand rehearsals
    or maybe it was someone humming to themselves in a quiet moment
    Perhaps it wasn't music at all, just a cacophony of sounds
    blared through a megaphone directed at my vulnerable eardrums

    Just as soon as it appeared, it left me.
    I was alone again, but no longer afraid
    And it all made sense, in any words
    and in all languages, all at once, it left me wondering
    wondering the only thing that actually mattered.

    When it might happen once more.




    Submitted on 2008-05-25 00:10:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      4th of July fireworks...a symphony of sound...feelings...

    the first stanza really does well in opening up the five moments...

    i remember mine...it was good and awkward all at once...maybe i was too nervous to really enjoy it...
    the second one was much better..

    quite the visuals and turn of phrases here...

    like it much.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-03-16 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a great write! extremely descriptive, and your similes and metaphors fit perfectly. the ending just made the whole piece, leaving it with a touch of innocence, that only a first kiss can bring.
    | Posted on 2008-09-12 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good piece of work. Nicflow and rhythm to it, like the reader is discovering things the same time as the narrator. My only suggestion is you might wnat to cut it a bit; seems a bit wordy in a few places. Other than that (it's just me humble opinion, btw - feel free to take it of leave it) a terrific piece.

    Peace, love and all that other junk,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2008-05-27 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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