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It was an Impractical moment,
Paradoxical as it was filled with a strange vertigo
I don't know if it was meant to happen, or if it just did
the stars don't like revealing secrets like that
who knows what kind of art it makes
if it sits in the attic, covered with dust,
or displayed in some Smithsonian, lighted and admired
but there it was
The ringing in my ears equaled dropping bombs
The burning with my face was a fire
it was like a dream, something faceted
Some synonyms were never meant to be said
Maybe it was music, some lyrics tuned by minstrals over ten thousand rehearsals
or maybe it was someone humming to themselves in a quiet moment
Perhaps it wasn't music at all, just a cacophony of sounds
blared through a megaphone directed at my vulnerable eardrums
Just as soon as it appeared, it left me.
I was alone again, but no longer afraid
And it all made sense, in any words
and in all languages, all at once, it left me wondering
wondering the only thing that actually mattered.
When it might happen once more.
| 4th of July fireworks...a symphony of sound...feelings...|
the first stanza really does well in opening up the five moments...
i remember mine...it was good and awkward all at once...maybe i was too nervous to really enjoy it...
the second one was much better..
quite the visuals and turn of phrases here...
like it much.
|| Posted on 2011-03-16 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ] || this was a great write! extremely descriptive, and your similes and metaphors fit perfectly. the ending just made the whole piece, leaving it with a touch of innocence, that only a first kiss can bring. ||| Posted on 2008-09-12 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ] || This is a really good piece of work. Nicflow and rhythm to it, like the reader is discovering things the same time as the narrator. My only suggestion is you might wnat to cut it a bit; seems a bit wordy in a few places. Other than that (it's just me humble opinion, btw - feel free to take it of leave it) a terrific piece.|
Peace, love and all that other junk,
|| Posted on 2008-05-27 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ] |