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    dots Submission Name: Storiesdots

    Author: Zara
    ASL Info:    16,Female, U.S.
    Elite Ratio:    5.64 - 13/16/10
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 630
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 589

       Here is a poem I came up with during fourth period... I'm not sure how I feel about it... but I wrote it all down anyways... Um... what do ya'll think? The lines "Every story to be told, Has an ending to unfold" I came up with a year or too ago... but I haven't used them until now...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The darkness of night
    lends mystery to tale -
    each turn's suspenseful wait -
    keeping one enthralled.

    Journeys yet to begin -
    worlds waiting to be written in -
    doors standing unopened -
    waters raging to set the stage.

    Authors pen yet to touch
    pages yet unmarked.
    Stories waiting to be written -
    characters ready to start their journey.

    For every story to be told
    has an ending to unfold -
    and an author to imagine
    to create, to orchestrate its end.

    Submitted on 2008-05-25 00:26:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      I found this to be an incredibly strong write where you show us the Readers NEVER GIVE UP!!!
    Life will throw us many obstacles but we must remain strong and be prepared to not let them bring us down
    Its like I always say
    To every negative there is a Positive
    We have to find that Positive in order to succesfully move forward
    Excellent Job!!!
    Im looking forward to reading more from you in the future

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2008-05-25 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, I read your featured poem "Eternal Love" before actually commenting on this one, to get your style, likes and dislikes a bit better so to make sure my comments were not useless. I see that you do like rhyming, and that you do appreciate the beauty of lines and words matching with one another. So my first point will be try and flow the words, the lines, and finally the stanzas better with one another. Example..

    Journeys yet to begin -
    worlds waiting to be written in -
    doors standing unopened -
    waters raging to set the stage.

    What about these lines here are particular? Or special? Or unique? Kind of seems that anyone could actually write these words in this way doesn t it? Then again, you said that you just through these on the paper during 4th period.. (i remember when I used to throww thoughts on the paper during 4th period back in high school..... hehehe) How could you say "doors standing unopened/water raging to set the stage" in a unique manner? With rhymes maybe, or assonances, or.. just better flow even? I guess you could go from there..

    Secondly, to me rhyming is crucial. And yes I did A LOT of this back when I started writing. It is easy to overlook as you write, because sometimes you are desperate for words, for a rhyme.. so you just come up with forced rhymes. For instance..

    Journeys yet to begin -
    worlds waiting to be written in -

    (No I m not picking on your second stanza.. hehehe) worlds aren t waiting to be written in, they re waiing to be written about!! Unless the worlds you mean are the sheets of paper, in which case.. alright, it s good!! But if not.. "worlds waiting to be written about" doesn t quite rhyme with "Jorneys yet to begin" does it? That s when that first point I made kicks in again.. you gotta think, and find a way to rhyme, to flow... that is what makes us, unique! We ll always find our own ways to make things... well... nice!

    Last two minor things.. #1. SPELLING. If at times you think you are not getting comments or replies, it might be because you have a spelling mistake or two. As minor as it maybe, it bothers people, and then they don t bother to comment. Ex: "Authors pen.." should be "Author's pen.."

    and last thing.. try and use simples, smaller words whenever you can. that "orchestrate" in the last line kind of breaks and rips the flow apart! Unless you really like the word, in which case.. cheers!! hehehehehe

    This is a CRITICAL comment, in a very positive way! Don t mistake my words for words discouraging your writting!! No siree!! Good luck..
    | Posted on 2008-05-25 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]

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