blaaaaah by emoxday

Eh? So I'm one of those pseudo non-conformists that ruins the 'indie system' because I judge things by the products consistency with the media and majority instead of it's quality(music guru told me so). Well only for certain circumstances I swear. Like... Ray bans(Oh ray bans I swear!), Juno, sweaters, penny loafers... well I guess that's it. It's perfectly fine for people that enjoy these things (not the ray bans they kill me inside) but not for the ones that wear them because some book/movie told them to. Ugh, I disgust myself by my dislike of teenyboppers I really do(even though I'm most likely one too). Talk about hypocrisy.

Discussions about ones capability to protect oneself against another is really keel-over worthy. I guess she heard while I was on the computer typing away all night/morning. She asked if I could protect myself and that maybe she should take me to self-defense classes (Audrey had to open her mouth) because she thinks that I'll one day get a stalker and he might try to abuse me(wth were'd that come from mom?) or something.

I said "No, mom I do not need classes and I'm talking to a friend from Oceanside right now. I'm perfectly fine." Sadly I was looking at my pants while telling her this.

"See, you have a problem Bliss. Why do you always look down.

"
"UGH GET OUT MOM." I would have told her if I didn't want her to take the internet away. So instead I said "Ohh well" and continued typing.

Well she said more but I'd rather you not know about it. I guess that's all that happened today. I woke up at around six a.m. (I slept on the couch again) and the sky looked so beautiful. Even last night the clouds were covering the sky, that's the best kind of night I swear.

It was funny I was talking to this girl and she said I had OCD and I asked her for what and she said something about how I was a perfectionist and I try to perfect things most people would never see. That made me smile because yeah right like I'm that special, most of the time I disgust myself. And who likes someone that complains a lot and tries to seem 'deep'.

UGHY who are you?
Nothing else interesting happened just my realization of needing something called confidence and praying desperately that I'm not like that one chick that constantly complains. And hopefully I don't sound attention-deprived with all my 'big-words' like Audrey said. I want to free myself from this place called society.

I want to but I think I'll no longer have these feelings that make me numb... But when I become an artist I want to have an exhibition where I draw beautiful designs or drawings all over my skin with a razor. And if done correctly it will get the point across that everything beautiful has pain within itself. But that will probably never happen so it's just a fantasy(nothing perverted please).

And I want clay so badly I want to create a face, nothing of godliness I swear. I just want to feel the features cheekbones eyes everything. Because drawing doesn't get the feeling as much(and shadowing is difficult) not that I'm that good. I just want to feel the clay beneath my fingers. It looks like fun.