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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Cry with the Orchidsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Porcelaine
    ASL Info:    22/F/Croatia
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 872/686/249
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 272
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 721



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Cry with the Orchidsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I cry with the orchids
    And their beauty saddens me most
    For most of knights have fallen
    Victim to it's ghost

    I dare to now remember
    The travesty of pain
    Brought upon this kingdom
    Through paths of the insane

    The news of distant clouds
    To hide a homely haven
    These petals where it's heralds
    That all our dreams had craven

    These deceits of frailness
    Still adorn these fields
    Where castles in the sky
    Grew orchids on their shields

    And now I dream them crumbled
    Just as they once were
    But all that's left are flowers
    Whose beauty I concur




    Submitted on 2008-05-27 13:56:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I have to agree with the second comment.

    This does feel forced and I begin to wonder about the accuracy of some of your ends rhymes with regard to whether or not they say what you mean them to say.

    I thinks it worth working on though and if you have a mind to do so and would appreciate some specifics then let me know.

    DB
    | Posted on 2009-03-05 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      It was done well to an extent but the rhyme feels forced throughout, over all subject matter and feel is good, but the forced rhyme drowns the piece.

    It was a good topic to take in, as the first comment said it brings a feel of the pain of war but the feel of rebirth and rebuilding, I have quoted from myself that no beauty is black and white, and to

    "To view a flower as it blooms brings cruel indoctrination and visual content to the phenomena of belief."
    | Posted on 2008-05-28 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
      This speaks to me of the tragedy and suffering of war, and of the futility of it! The Orchid, a flower of amazing beauty and a symbol both of sadness and joy! To cry with the Orchids would be to blend your sadness with theirs!

    This was a heartfelt and soulful write, much with the mood of anguish and loss. Excellent work, lovely lady!
    | Posted on 2008-05-27 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]



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