Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Cry with the Orchidsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Porcelaine
    ASL Info:    21/F/Croatia
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 850/653/234
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 85
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 721



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Cry with the Orchidsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I cry with the orchids
    And their beauty saddens me most
    For most of knights have fallen
    Victim to it's ghost

    I dare to now remember
    The travesty of pain
    Brought upon this kingdom
    Through paths of the insane

    The news of distant clouds
    To hide a homely haven
    These petals where it's heralds
    That all our dreams had craven

    These deceits of frailness
    Still adorn these fields
    Where castles in the sky
    Grew orchids on their shields

    And now I dream them crumbled
    Just as they once were
    But all that's left are flowers
    Whose beauty I concur




    Submitted on 2008-05-27 13:56:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It was done well to an extent but the rhyme feels forced throughout, over all subject matter and feel is good, but the forced rhyme drowns the piece.

    It was a good topic to take in, as the first comment said it brings a feel of the pain of war but the feel of rebirth and rebuilding, I have quoted from myself that no beauty is black and white, and to

    "To view a flower as it blooms brings cruel indoctrination and visual content to the phenomena of belief."
    | Posted on 2008-05-28 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
      This speaks to me of the tragedy and suffering of war, and of the futility of it! The Orchid, a flower of amazing beauty and a symbol both of sadness and joy! To cry with the Orchids would be to blend your sadness with theirs!

    This was a heartfelt and soulful write, much with the mood of anguish and loss. Excellent work, lovely lady!
    | Posted on 2008-05-27 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    161880



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry