[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Our Fatherdots

    Author: Mandolin
    ASL Info:    10/15/89
    Elite Ratio:    5.4 - 131/145/85
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 871
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 315

       Our Father
    Who art in Heaven
    Hallowèd be Thy name
    Thy kingdom come
    Thy will be done
    On earth, as it is in Heaven
    Give us this day our daily bread
    Forgive us our trespasses
    As we forgive those who trespass against us
    And lead us not into temptation
    But deliver us from evil
    For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.

    "Let His will be done."

    This is not a "religious" poem.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOur Fatherdots

    Brick by brick, reverse an old defense,
    and peer at the flesh dispersed.
    Bluntly spoon down into the skin,
    hunting the god within; no,
    no tongue belongs to tidal grief,
    nor hunger, nor relief.
    Cell by cell, recall each tenderness,
    and plead, God, let it end.

    Submitted on 2008-05-28 19:27:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      brick bby brick
    cell by cell

    there is an obvious building and structure within this piece... cells are the structural and functional unit of the body... so small and only vaguely understood by most... and i think god can be the same.

    while you say this is not a "religious" piece you preface it with the lords prayer which teaches his people how to pray...

    could this piece be a new spin on an old prayer? or perhaps it is an asking for it all to end moment...

    i really like the recalling of past tenderness... im not sure whether you are calling upon god to remember or someone else or maybe even yourself...
    sometimes the only way i can get through horrid times is remembering the times when things werent as horrid...

    yeah... this is a useless comment.
    | Posted on 2008-05-31 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]