Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It is Just Clockworkdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.55 - 41/64/76
    Words: 242
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 620
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1080



    Description:
       ....something that came to mind, tell me what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt is Just Clockworkdots
    -------------------------------------------


    . Everyone is up
    . In this amber land
    . The trees are soulless
    . The ground is the sand,
    . And the animals are the hands
    . Of time
    . The water doesnít appear
    . It is deep within the cogs
    . Or up above the glass
    . That keeps us sealed
    . Within this spear
    . It does not ever come,
    . It is always dry
    . The food that keeps us alive
    . with the water that makes us new
    . We are stuck deep within this
    . soulless land.
    . With no escape
    . Unless
    . We try to break the glass
    . That keeps our souls in this land
    . It is said to be easy
    . We just need many
    . But having no hands, and too much sand
    . Of time
    . Made us feeble
    . So that we are not strong
    . We canít make a crack
    . To try and revive our souls
    . From this soulless land




    Submitted on 2008-05-29 15:43:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      When I read it I feel like I'm trapped in an hourglass, and it relays the message that "time is only an obstacle if you let it. the reading however was a bit rough, needs to be smoothed out a bit. Is it translated from hiragana into english???
    | Posted on 2008-06-06 00:00:00 | by caveman | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm so sure on the dots i think they break up the flow of the poem, but that's just a personal opinion, what i love about this piece is that you do have a lot of really great metaphors i just feel that it could be a lil more focused
    | Posted on 2008-06-03 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      just rapt with potential.
    we are all trapped in that circular maze
    i agree with Paradox it could use a bit of workings
    but over all
    i think it's well written
    | Posted on 2008-05-31 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      aw, thanks lol I don't write poetry at all much, maybe a few a year. the thoughts are appreciated though :)
    I put the dots for the spacing to work out...but it didn't lol so its not as pretty as it was
    | Posted on 2008-05-29 00:00:00 | by KeeperOfLight | [ Reply to This ]
      Hah. I like it. I love how it looks with the dots. Some lines are kinda rough and could use a bit of work but overall it's a good poem. Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2008-05-29 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    161953

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    ME written by jjd
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry