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    dots Submission Name: It is Just Clockworkdots

    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.56 - 41/64/75
    Words: 242
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 551
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1080

       ....something that came to mind, tell me what you think

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt is Just Clockworkdots

    . Everyone is up
    . In this amber land
    . The trees are soulless
    . The ground is the sand,
    . And the animals are the hands
    . Of time
    . The water doesnít appear
    . It is deep within the cogs
    . Or up above the glass
    . That keeps us sealed
    . Within this spear
    . It does not ever come,
    . It is always dry
    . The food that keeps us alive
    . with the water that makes us new
    . We are stuck deep within this
    . soulless land.
    . With no escape
    . Unless
    . We try to break the glass
    . That keeps our souls in this land
    . It is said to be easy
    . We just need many
    . But having no hands, and too much sand
    . Of time
    . Made us feeble
    . So that we are not strong
    . We canít make a crack
    . To try and revive our souls
    . From this soulless land

    Submitted on 2008-05-29 15:43:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      When I read it I feel like I'm trapped in an hourglass, and it relays the message that "time is only an obstacle if you let it. the reading however was a bit rough, needs to be smoothed out a bit. Is it translated from hiragana into english???
    | Posted on 2008-06-06 00:00:00 | by caveman | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm so sure on the dots i think they break up the flow of the poem, but that's just a personal opinion, what i love about this piece is that you do have a lot of really great metaphors i just feel that it could be a lil more focused
    | Posted on 2008-06-03 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      just rapt with potential.
    we are all trapped in that circular maze
    i agree with Paradox it could use a bit of workings
    but over all
    i think it's well written
    | Posted on 2008-05-31 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      aw, thanks lol I don't write poetry at all much, maybe a few a year. the thoughts are appreciated though :)
    I put the dots for the spacing to work out...but it didn't lol so its not as pretty as it was
    | Posted on 2008-05-29 00:00:00 | by KeeperOfLight | [ Reply to This ]
      Hah. I like it. I love how it looks with the dots. Some lines are kinda rough and could use a bit of work but overall it's a good poem. Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2008-05-29 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]

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