Consternation by realpoet

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Submission Name: Consternation dots

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Author:	realpoet
Elite Ratio:	6.55 - 800/426/258
Words:	62

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	59
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	349

Description:

Consternation dots

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I've walked with the good
and talked to the bad,
one made me happy,
the other made me sad;
I knew what I should
and that I did,
I ran into myself and hid
to play with thoughts of good
and slay the thoughts of bad,
Now I lay upon my bed
and wonder what I should have said.

Submitted on 2008-05-29 23:19:11 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
This felt really forced. I don't know if it actually was, but it felt like you were trying to explain something and it came out in forced rhyme scheme. The emotion seems to be hiding in there somewhere behind easily rhymed words that don't really generate how you feel.

Let yourself go more. If you feel something, let it go. Write it all down however you want. Forced rhyme scheme generally depletes the overall emotion of the write, and makes people think you are just writing to make yourself look emotional and feely. (I know, not a word, but I used it. Sue me. ;) )

Overall the whole thing kind of confused me. I read it a couple more times but I still don't really understand it.

Keep trying, it's in there!
| Posted on 2008-05-30 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ]

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