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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Somtimes the sky bleedsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: girly101
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 269/227/132
    Words: 308
    Class/Type: Lyrics/
    Total Views: 90
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2060



    Description:
       First attempt at a song.
    All feelings so help me turn it to magic.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSomtimes the sky bleedsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes the sky bleeds,
    pouring down on me
    sweet life.
    The clouds vermilion tinged,
    Stained with a thousand sins.

    I cry for a hand,
    to hold,
    but now I stand,
    all alone.
    I turn to stone,
    like an icey stare,
    now im alone,
    but your still there.
    Your back is turned,
    and I know you dont care.

    Somtimes I bleed,
    pouring out my,
    sweet life.
    The sheets vermilion tinged,
    my life flows for his sins.

    I cry for a hand,
    to hold,
    but now I stand,
    all alone.
    I turn to stone,
    like an icey stare,
    now im alone,
    but your still there.
    Your back is turned,
    and I know you dont care.

    Somtimes it all stops,
    Cease to be,
    all harmony.
    All emotions are lost,
    The final coin tossed.

    I cry for a hand,
    to hold,
    but now I stand,
    all alone.
    I turn to stone,
    like an icey stare,
    now im alone,
    but your still there.
    Your back is turned,
    and I know you dont care.

    I look to my sky,
    Desperately searching,
    But find life has passed me by.
    So I sit alone inside my head,
    The world to me dead.

    I cry for a hand,
    to hold,
    but now I stand,
    all alone.
    I turn to stone,
    like an icey stare,
    now im alone,
    but your still there.
    Your back is turned,
    and I know you dont care.

    Somtimes my eyes bleed,
    Silver drops of emotion,
    Streaming down my cheeks.
    They call these tears,
    Result of tremendous pain and fears.

    I cry for a hand,
    to hold,
    but now I stand,
    all alone.
    I turn to stone,
    like an icey stare,
    now im alone,
    but your still there.
    Your back is turned,
    and I know you dont care.





    Submitted on 2008-05-30 17:05:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      From a song stand point my best advice to you is follow a basic verse-chorus-verse idea. That may help you shape the idea for this song a little better.

    If you pick a main thought that you want as the biggest part, you can focus on that and build around it.

    All in all the lyrics are beautiful and dark. I wouldn't change your images at all.
    | Posted on 2008-07-16 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this piece. Like it and am unsettled by it at the same time. The actions, and the feelings of rejection that lead to those actions are not unknown to me. Indeed more often than not the sky, does bleed as does the heart.

    This line "The clouds vermilion tinged,
    Stained with a thousand sins." is my favorite as it seems to have a double meaning. One based on the obvious, and the other more subtle. But it is not forced at all which is really cool.

    The last line
    "The sheets vermilion tinged,
    stained with all my sins."
    and I can only say this because I know you, I would change to "stained, I bear their sins" or "my life flows for his sins"
    Because it transfers the guilt onto a separate party, and allows you to place blame on external factors which are likely at work. That is just my opinion though. I can't wait to read the rest.
    | Posted on 2008-06-07 00:00:00 | by Immortalis | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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