Description: This is a winning poem I posted recently in a writing challenge on another site. There's a challenge phrase tucked inside the poem. It uses personification in its look at birth, life, death, and even rebirth.
She Was Morn; and I, the Sun -------------------------------------------
Along came morn’s own day for dreaming
When dawn’s left hand was in the sky.
She walked her path across my breathing;
I heard a whimper in her cry.
What course could lead her voice to tremble?
What thought had she to wreck my fun?
To listen seemed a lot of trouble;
But she was morn and I, the sun.
Confessions caste upon my shining
Drew nimbus clouds to hide my rays;
Before I dared dismiss her sighing,
She’d turned my sky a dingy grey.
She found my heart completely lacking;
I failed to see her die at noon.
I knew as night consumed my thinking
That I’d expire before eve’s moon.
When next our eyes again came facing,
I cherished morn for all her worth;
And she, my love, now leaves me longing
As I rise high above the Earth.
I’ve learned that time’s a morning fleeting;
Both she and I share one accord.
To kiss the morn’s my dream awaiting;
To cherish her, my best reward.
Well Peggy, I am very happy to have found your page. I haven't been active in a log while and many of the members that used to post here seem to have vanished to other sites.Your poetry I seem to relate to, and so for the second time today, I have to say,--well done.
I think what I like best is the personification and the charm it lends to this daily event. I like to think of the sun, moon, dawn, stars in this fashion, much as the ancients did. This is impeccably executed and a definite Fave.
Like, I don't know how long you been on here but I've been here for years now and I've never seen writing this bangin (of course except for my own and what not). But you my good good sista, you are epic.
"Confessions caste upon my shining
Drew nimbus clouds to hide my rays;
Before I dared dismiss her sighing,
She’d turned my sky a dingy grey."
I love the imagery that came to mind when I read this... I felt that I was there seeing it completely, your poems never fail to inspire me. Thanks for doing what you do so well.
What a delightful, lovely ode to the Sun's chasing the morning away! I'm a country boy, and I like poetry about nature and this is just superb! I've worked many long days under a harsh and tormenting Sun, and many was the time when I resented the Sun's harsh presence staunchly overwhelming the gentleness and freshness of the morning!! To really appreciate the morning, one needs to work in the out of doors exposed directly to the Sun from sunup to sundown on a mid-July day in the south!
Submission Name: She Was Morn; and I, the Sun
