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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cold Harvestdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Porcelaine
    ASL Info:    22/F/Croatia
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 872/686/249
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 299
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 469



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCold Harvestdots
    -------------------------------------------


    They walk, like pallid lost,
    In plethora of merging scars
    Through battlehills of frost
    That radiates the stars

    One - a sinner, two - a rebel,
    Third is just a memory
    Wakened by a cringing treble
    In it's grave of emery.

    Now they march the rage of hordes,
    Old as winding olive trees,
    Warding on the fallen lords
    'Till their tired eyes don't freeze.





    Submitted on 2008-05-31 12:14:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Merry Meet,
    This is very well done my friend. I mean not every one can put together a piece that is this full of subtle meaning. The true beauty of it is in its simplicity.

    Blessed Be,
    Sage
    | Posted on 2009-03-12 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this because it seemed like you were using short form poetry like haiku or tanka.

    It only delighted me that the parts connected so well and the poem opened up into a beautiful flower of sound, rhyme and meaning. Your vocabulary is very good as I've noted with a few of the other poems I've sneaked a look at (and this can be a dangerous thing) but in this case I got to the soul of this piece.

    Your vocabulary is very good but there are also places that seem odd or might be explained by your nationality.

    "One - a sinner, two - a rebel,
    Third is just a memory"

    I want to say "three" since it is consistent with one/two

    Also:

    "'Till their tired eyes don't freeze."

    don't freeze is awkward because you naturally think of wanting to avoid freezing the eyes.

    It seems out of place or inverted.


    Amazing imagery and after much searching I find a poem that affects and moves me in the way I think good poetry should.

    DB



    I wish I had words like these when I was 22.
    | Posted on 2009-03-05 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this, though I am not really sure what it is about. Or perhaps that is the very reason I love it. I can just soak in its beauty and let my mind run wild.
    | Posted on 2008-07-01 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      nicely done.

    the counting bit is clever and snappy.




    feeling brainless at the moment.



    whee~
    rachel
    | Posted on 2008-06-02 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]



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