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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Broken Dreams and Empty Bottlesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Maskannai
    ASL Info:    25/Female/Utah
    Elite Ratio:    4.91 - 171/158/67
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 71
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 591



    Description:
       Nothing special.. Just a little something that was inspired by what I wrote in my journal entry earlier..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBroken Dreams and Empty Bottlesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Broken dreams and empty bottles
    make for interesting conversation,
    but hardly are a life to live by;

    I can see my life as it wheels past
    on a busy sidewalk
    in the deep heart
    of some nowhere suburbia;

    I can't help but laugh at myself
    and the wreck I made of my life
    as I strolled through without a care,
    but those careless times caught up with me at last;

    and empty bottles are the legacy
    I will leave myself
    if I can't remember
    how to fill them back up again.




    Submitted on 2008-05-31 22:39:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You've caught my eyes there in the beginning of your piece. And I believe you've held my interest until the very ending of this piece. I like the concept of empty bottles. I think the title would work better as only "Empty Bottles". It's more mysterious. The way you got it right now, it's more than clear what you're about to talk about. So keep the mystery for a bit to blow us totally away.

    Other than that, yep, our lives are a mess with the amount of mistakes we do. Things we say that we just wished we could have shut off or things we've done we wished we could have restrained ourselves from.

    So great concept, great words. Just the part "Broken dreams and" in the title bugged me. Other than that, i'm impressed.

    Take care....

    Irina
    | Posted on 2008-06-02 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I agree with Ron. Very strong write indeed.

    "Big wheel keep on turning, Proud mary keep on burning."
    - Proud Mary, CCR

    You've just got to keep on turning, my dear. You've just got to keep on "rollin' on the river", so to speak. Sure, we all make mistakes. We're human, we're imperfect.

    Sometimes I envy the animals. They don't have to worry about making mistakes. They don't know what mistakes are. Mistakes are a human concept. Sometimes I wish I was a crane, spreading my wings and flying away, leaving all the bad things behind.

    Unfortunately, that's not possible, so I'll have to try my best to be strong. And you should too, tiffany.

    Now these empty bottles, what were they originally filled with? Is it alcohol, or something else? I'm curious. I don't want to assume that it's alcohol. Bottles hold more than just that.

    Maybe they hold you, tiffany. Maybe you've got to fill them with yourself.

    Fill the world with yourself.

    ~AsiaticFox
    | Posted on 2008-06-02 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece tells me that we are so blindly following and appeasing our egoes that we can not pass on even one drop of love to our fellow so-journers who may in a gesture of friendship put our self-love into the proper perspective.
    | Posted on 2008-06-01 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Very Strong Write Indeed!!!!
    I really Love the way this whole write came together
    In this write I get the feeling you are reflecting off some of the decisions you made in life and you realize you made some mistakes but all in all you refuse to give up and smartky you have learned from a negative experience
    Not many of us can look at a negative situation and find the Positive to the Negative but you my Friend it seems were able to quite easily
    Thats a very strong sign of a True and Honest Character
    Excellent Job!!!
    Looking forward to reading more from you in the future!!!
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2008-06-01 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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